Faramir Fiction Archive

Long Goodbyes (NC-17)

Written by Lilith

31 March 2004 | 11024 words

Chapter Two - 15 Yavannië, Year 1 of the Fourth Age

Haldir knew the man was approaching even before keen-eared Rúmil heard his mount on the Field of Celebrant. He dismissed the other guards and stood alone on the riverbank, watching as the dappled grey horse picked its way across the waters. He had known this moment would come, despite the lengths he had gone to in order to prevent it. And a part of him welcomed it.

It had been six months since the Lady Galadriel had asked him to accompany her to the Undying Lands. Haldir well remembered that moment. It had been the last day of the Third Age according to the Steward's – or now the King's Reckoning. Night was falling, and the elf knew the inhabitants of Minas Tirith would be celebrating in grand style. He had attended many festivities in the White City since the end of the war and knew that heroic speeches, ale, music, and fireworks would help ring in what was now being called the Age of Men. Faramir and the king were no doubt celebrating together tonight, watching the festivities from atop the citadel. He sighed as he thought of the men he loved.

Lórien had been peaceful that night, and so quiet. He had scarcely heard the Lady's footsteps as she glided to his side.

"Your thoughts are far away, Haldir."

"Yes, my Lady. They are with the men of Gondor."

"Your bonds with your friends are strong," she said, her silken voice reflecting her deep understanding. Haldir had always found her voice soothing, and was reminded once again of his love for the Lady.

"Yes, my Lady, second only to my devotion to your service."

"Then what I have to ask may not be easy for you." Haldir started at the sad tone in her voice as she continued, "The Fourth Age has begun and Middle-earth has no more need for magic. The time is fast approaching when I will pass into the undying lands. I have long desired to return to Valinor and live by the sea. Yet leaving Middle-earth is bittersweet. Long have I dwelt here, and many are my memories of this world."

Her green eyes pierced his. "Your family waits for you in Valinor, and your brothers will both accompany me. I hope that you will choose to do so as well. Yet you have many memories here, and are still making new ones. Will you make the journey with me?"

He had been taken aback. "I have always known that someday I would sail to the west. I just did not think it would be so soon."

The Lady looked closely into Haldir's eyes and he knew she was reading his thoughts. He felt himself relax as his memories flowed into hers, as she sensed the presence of the two men that meant so much to him. The King Elessar, with whom he had clashed bitterly, but whose convictions had finally won a place in his heart. And of his dearest Faramir, the stout-hearted man whose strength and beauty had changed his ideas about the race of men, and brought him back to life.

Galadriel smiled kindly at him after reading these thoughts. "Your heart is torn in two," she said. "There is still much that binds you to this world. Therefore I give you the choice to stay in Middle-earth, or to come with me. You may stay here, and find happiness for a while. But remember, the lives of men are short. Those whom you love will die in the end, and you will fade away from grief, far from your loved ones. Or you may come with me to the green shores, but I cannot promise that you will find contentment in leaving your love behind."

"The lives of men are short," Haldir admitted, "and I always knew that our time together was limited. I have never regretted a moment that I spent with the two that I love. Yet I would not stay here without my brothers, nor without your grace in Lórien."

Haldir drew a deep breath, bracing himself to say the words he had to say. "My place is beside you, my Lady. I will accompany you to the west."

Haldir had regretted those words many times in the months since, but never more than now, as he watched his lover's face come into focus. He flashed an anxious smile at the dark young man. It was returned with a grim look and a hard-set jaw.

He is going to make this difficult, the elf thought to himself.

As soon as his horse reached the shore, Faramir dismounted and approached the elf. "I have heard rumours that you are leaving Middle-earth?" he said stiffly.

Haldir nodded solemnly, matching the man's formal tone. "The rumours are true, I fear."

"When do you leave?"

"Tonight at moonrise."

"Why didn't you tell me?" The words came out even more angrily than Faramir had expected, the result of five days spent alone deliberating the elf's decision.

The elf had been trying to answer that question for even longer than that, but found himself unable to express it in words. He finally said the only thing that made any sense. "I hate long goodbyes."

Faramir cocked his head, as if disarmed by this answer. Once again, Haldir was entranced by his handsome features – the high cheekbones, one of which now bore a long scratch from his reckless ride; the quizzical expression that marred his brow when he was deep in thought; the smouldering grey eyes that seemed to look directly into his soul. And most of all, that full bottom lip that pouted so beautifully when he was upset.

The man bit that lip now as he considered how to respond. Finally he said defiantly, "Then do not say goodbye. Stay here with me."

The scared, small voice reflected all the agony that Haldir remembered from their first meeting, after he'd been rescued from Moria. Waves of compassion washed over him as he gently replied, "You know I cannot do that."

"I know no such thing," the man's voice cracked. He had felt his resolve begin to waver the instant he saw the elf's shining face, but it was impossible to hide his hurt. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I do not accept it. I thought we would be together forever."

Haldir smiled sadly. "Your idea of forever is very different from mine, my dear."

"You could at least have said something, instead of sneaking off like a frightened orc," Faramir said indignantly. "You were in Minas Tirith not three months ago – you could have said something then."

"I knew you would make it difficult." As you have every right to, he added to himself. "I thought that, as time passed, you would find it easier to accept that this is how it must be. I am pledged to the Lady and must follow her across the sea."

"You are also pledged to King Elessar, as you are to me, and our bonds are just as strong."

"Surely you do not believe that," the elf answered. "You, Faramir, who have more sense of duty than anyone I have ever met – you know that if Aragorn commanded you to leave Minas Tirith, you would, though it would break your heart."

The man's smoky eyes reflected that this was true. "Has she commanded you thusly?" he asked in a small voice.

"It is my duty. I am the march warden of Lórien. I must go where my Lady goes."

Teardrops were welling up in those eyes now. Haldir had not seen these tears for several years,and hated himself now for being the cause of them. He rushed to embrace the young man, and was surprised when Faramir threw up his arms to stop him.

"No!" he shouted as he backed away from the elf.

"Faramir, my love, don't do this. We still have a few hours together –" Haldir began, knowing even as he spoke that this would anger the man further.

He was right. "A few hours?" Faramir shouted. "Is that all I am to you, Haldir? Well, I'm certainly glad that I rode day and night to get here, so you could have one last romp before you leave Middle-earth. Something for you to remember in the Undying Lands."

Haldir blanched. He had never seen Faramir so furious. In his most conciliatory tone he said, "That was not what I meant, my love. I do not want to fight with you."

"What do you want to do, Haldir? Tell me, because I do not understand what it is you want. You do not want to be honest with me! You do not want to tell me that you're leaving forever or that I will never see you again. What do you want?"

Haldir stood silently and listened as five days of pent-up rage poured out of Faramir.

"I trusted you, Haldir. From the very first moment I saw you, when hope had completely abandoned me, I trusted you. You were everything to me, Haldir. You gave me a reason to live. You still do," he said sadly. Haldir started to move toward him again, but was stopped by his flashing grey eyes. "But my love means nothing to you. How could you betray me like this? It's not that you're leaving, it's that you did not think enough of me to tell me."

"Faramir, I'm sorry –" Haldir began, but Faramir interrupted.

"No, Haldir, you don't get to do this," he said, shaking his head. "You don't get to be the comforter and make everything all right. You've always done that, and I've always trusted you. It's not going to work this time."

There were no tears in Faramir's eyes now, only a cold hardness that broke Haldir's heart. He could do nothing but watch as the young man mounted his steed and galloped back across the river.

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