Home » Fiction


This story is rated «NC-17», and carries the warnings «Totally AU.».
Since you have switched on the adult content filter, this story is hidden. To read this story, you have to switch off the adult content filter. [what's this?]

Remember that whether you have the adult content filter switched on or off, this is always an adults only site.

That which you can never have (NC-17) Print

Written by Anorienbean

24 April 2007 | 23005 words

[ all pages ]

Pairing: Haldir/Faramir
Disclaimer: No money is being made from this, and I’m sure Master Tolkien would be horrified at what I’ve done to his characters. They do belong to him, however, and I’m only living vicariously through them for a while, and promise to return them relatively intact, if not exactly as they were before.
Warnings: Totally AU.
Summary: Raised alone and ‘different’ in a sickhouse for all this life, Faramir has been taught that he wasn’t whole, and was, for all intents and purposes, more trouble than he was worth. A visitor from another realm tries desperately to change his mind.

Faramir’s hand rested against the windowsill, his eager eyes fixed on the Rangers across the field as they rode into the forest, sitting tall and proud on Minas Tirith’s finest mounts. His face was turned slightly toward the sun, and while he normally relished the warmth on his skin, at the moment, he could seem to think of nothing else but how it would feel to just once sit astride such an animal, trusting it bear you away from the city, and wherever else your heart may desire, then safely bring you home again. He’d never ridden of course, never even been allowed into the stables to touch one of the majestic beasts, but he’d dreamed of it for all his life.

It was a silly daydream, nothing more. He accepted that. He had no choice, really.

“Faramir, you mustn’t waste your time wishing for that which you can never have.” Enrif’s, voice was strained and distracted. The steward’s son was a nice enough lad, and if he didn’t have to many others to look after, Enrif might have taken the time to find a way to make the young man’s life easier. As is was, however, he was a healer, in a dark, forgotten part of the city, in charge of a sickhouse that no one ever visited or cared about, the home of the forgotten soldiers, those who would never live a normal life, or be able to walk the streets of Gondor without frightening the women and children alike.

With a heavy sigh, Enrif slid his arms underneath Faramir’s thin legs and the other behind his shoulders and lifted him. “You would do well to say in your bed. I have enough to do without having to carry you from your seat at the window every day, and I have ordered the other healers not to give in every time you beg to be moved. You should be content to look outside once every few days or so. You have books, and parchment, and you can hear what goes on outside your window, Faramir, but I want you to stay in bed and stop being so much trouble!”

Faramir looked down at his hands and blinked back the tears as Enrif quickly covered his legs with the thin blanket. “I am sorry,” he said softly. “It is just that I love watching the horses. They are so…”

“They are nothing special.” Enrif cut off Faramir’s words before he could continue. “I’ve ridden almost every day of my life, and they are simply a means of getting one from one place to another. Much like I am to you, apparently, as often as I’m forced to carry you back to your bed! Why, Faramir? Why must you always be such a burden?”

With that, the healer left, muttering under his breath, leaving Faramir alone, as usual, with his books, and the never-ending desire to know more of the world around him, the world outside of this house that he’d been placed in since he was but a few weeks old, and one that he had never been allowed to leave since.

NB: Please do not distribute (by any means, including email) or repost this story (including translations) without the author's prior permission. [ more ]

Enjoyed this story? Then be sure to let the author know by posting a comment at http://www.faramirfiction.com/Fiction/that-which-you-can-never-have. Positive feedback is what keeps authors writing more stories!

Thank the author

The following people read the story, enjoyed it, and would like to thank the author: Kiisseli , laura , Jessy , waterwolf , Icefairy , Blondie , , Alyssandei

  [ what's this? ]

View all recent Thanks

5 Comment(s)

NB: Comments span all chapters and may contain spoilers!

so achingly beautiful. I loved every second and every word.

— Casandra    25 April 2007, 02:54    #

I read myself through the entire story and have to say; I love it!

— Suryallee    27 April 2007, 18:26    #

How wonderful! I really loved it!

Ria    7 March 2008, 02:03    #

awwee what a great fic!! i soo loved the happy ending!

— babs    14 March 2008, 04:39    #

I read the whole story! And I lost track of the time I didn’t ever realize it was 5am until I watched the computer’s clock!!! I can’t believe I spent so much time reading the story but it was worth it. It was such touching AU!! Poor Faramir he suffered al his life until he met Haldir, that was so beautiful how Haldir helped him. It was incredible but I don’t think I can sleep now thinking in the whole story! However it doesn’t matter because I’m still on holiday :) It was wonderful I loved it! There are so many wonderful stories you have! I want to read them all hehe I’m too greedy to let them there without reading them :) By the way it surprised me to see Boromir with Lord Celeborn but as Faramir says they are in love hehe Thank you for such wonderful job.

— LoretoW    25 March 2010, 08:52    #

Subscribe to comments | Get comments by email | View all recent comments


  Rules & Help

All fields except 'Web' are required.
Your email address will NOT be displayed publicly. It will only be sent to the author so she (he) can reply to your comment in private. If you want to keep track of comments on this article, you can subscribe to its comments feed.

About the Author


For more of her work, visit her (friends only) fiction journal.


Hide | Show adult content

Adult content is shown. [what's this?]

Adult content is hidden.
NB: This site is still for adults only, even with the adult content filter on! [what's this?]


  • DE
  • ES
  • JP
  • FR
  • PT
  • KO
  • IT
  • RU
  • CN