Home » Fiction

Warning

This story is rated «NC-17», and carries the warnings «m/m relationship».
Since you have switched on the adult content filter, this story is hidden. To read this story, you have to switch off the adult content filter. [what's this?]

Remember that whether you have the adult content filter switched on or off, this is always an adults only site.

The Road Ahead (NC-17) Print

Written by Valkyrie

18 December 2007 | 23561 words

[ all pages ]

Title: Going Separate Ways
Series: THE ROAD AHEAD (Part 3/8)
Sequel to: THE RITUAL
Author: Valkyrie (email)
Pairings: Aragorn/Faramir, Aragorn/Arwen (implied), Faramir/Éowyn (implied)
Rating: NC-17
Archive: yes, but let me know where
Warnings: m/m relationship
Summary: At last Faramir was awake but he continued being oblivious to the bond…
Authors’ note: This is totally AU. If you like to read things canon, this is not a story for you.
Feedback: Kind words will be welcome as well as constructive criticism.
Disclaimer: The characters are property of J.R.R. Tolkien. I have not and will not receive any money for this story. It is free for all to read.

Very especial thanks to my beta reader Chris. All remaining mistakes are mine.


Part Three – Going Separate Ways

Arwen watched Éowyn pace from one end of the dining room to the other. She had wanted to talk to Éowyn about how things went with Faramir earlier but Éowyn was nowhere to be seen. Now, the Lady of Rohan had stormed into the dining room noticeable upset. After a few moments Arwen decided that Éowyn needed a little nudge.

“I gather that not all went well?” asked Arwen, trying to hide her worry.

“He is much more stubborn than my brother!” said Éowyn, throwing up her hands in despair.

Éowyn stopped her pacing and looked at the Queen for a moment. Then, suddenly, she grabbed the nearest chair and dropped in it in a way improper for a Lady. “Everything went wrong!” said Éowyn, burying her face in her hands. “I could not control myself. He was most rude. He bid me to get out of his room and I had not even uttered one word yet! He even yelled at me,” she said, lifting her gaze to meet Arwen’s. “I think I said things, I would prefer I never had said. Maybe I was a little too harsh,” she finished, her gaze contrite.

Arwen started to laugh and Éowyn looked at her as if horns were poking out of her head.

“What is so funny?” asked Éowyn, surprised at the outburst.

“Well, I just talked to Varan after you left and he told me Faramir is apathetic to everything but he only needs to mention your name to set Faramir’s temper afire. He said that an angry Faramir is not at all manageable, but he prefers it to the apathetic Faramir. He even told me that Faramir agreed to drink some soup whereas before he was reluctant to take anything at all. He certainly is far from slipping away from us but I am afraid his anger would be directed more merciless toward someone else. Aragorn could not bear that,” she finished, concern in her voice.

“And how is Aragorn? Forgive me, I have been remiss in asking about his health,” said Éowyn.

“He is fine. He is asleep right now and hopefully he will be so until tomorrow. He was very weak after he brought Faramir back and even in the state he was in, he wanted to go and see Faramir. Aragorn needs his rest. I was adamant about it. He has to get well first. What good would it do him getting sick, too? Besides, I think it would be too soon for Faramir to confront this situation. Men. They can be so stubborn sometimes,” finished Arwen with a sigh.

“Yes, stubborn indeed,” Éowyn agreed and decided that she would talk to Faramir once more. She did not want to end the day on such bad terms with him.


That Arwen would be ‘very’ mad at him was the least of Aragorn’s worries right now. He knew his wife only wanted the best for him and Faramir, and maybe she was right. Maybe it was too soon to face Faramir but he could not help it. He could not stand waiting anymore without talking to Faramir, without at least trying to explain what had happened. He knew, though, there was no explanation. In fact, he did not know what he would say to Faramir. The only thing he was sure of was that he would ask for forgiveness on his knees if necessary and even so, maybe that would not be enough. Maybe nothing would be enough to expiate what he had done.

Aragorn walked through the corridors, dark thoughts accompanying him all the way and when he was at the door of Faramir’s room, he could not bring himself to enter the chamber yet. From the doorstep he saw Faramir resting with his back to the door so he could not see the young man’s face. He suddenly realised he might never watch his beloved while sleeping again for if Faramir did not forgive him… No, he would not go there yet.

But, if Faramir would not forgive him, it would be a dire destiny for he could still feel him through the bond no matter that the young man could not. The only reason he could think of for this situation was a traumatic effect. The bond had been established; for a few moments they had shared it, but then everything came crashing down onto the young man. Aragorn was sure this blocking of the bond was Faramir’s way to protect himself from going mad. He could feel it at the edge of his mind.

Since Faramir awakened he felt that a part of Faramir was locked, and it was as the murmur one could hear behind the door of a crowded room. He could feel Faramir’s fear of what was behind that door even if Faramir himself did not acknowledge this fear. This was the young man’s way to reject what had happened to him. He felt Faramir only needed a little push and he would be lost forever, so, he had to tread carefully.

Aragorn ached for the young man. He wanted to take him in his arms. He wanted to comfort him and be comforted. Faramir always had a calming effect on him. The young man’s presence was a soothing balm to his soul. Faramir inspired in him calm and protectiveness. Even more than Arwen, ironic as it was, for his wife was no seasoned warrior as Faramir is. But Arwen was so strong and witty and wild. She was the stormy sea while Faramir was the peaceful lake. Both were the balance he needed. He could not imagine himself without either of them. And now he might have to learn how to live without Faramir for deep inside he felt the young man would not forgive him.

Aragorn watched Faramir’s figure for some more moments knowing Faramir was pretending to be asleep. He could feel Faramir’s unrest and fear. The young man did not want to face him. He could feel it clearly. Aragorn felt like crying.

Faramir had been aware of Aragorn’s presence all the time. He felt the approaching footsteps and knew with certainty whom they belonged to. He still could not feel the bond, but the feeling he got when he heard those footsteps was quite strong. His heart started to pound madly within his chest, and he wondered if he put enough effort to it, maybe he would be able to feel the bond again. But then he thought better of it. He did not want to face Aragorn just yet. How would he be able to endure Aragorn knowing his innermost feelings?

He wanted to run and hide, and it was not like him to run from conflicts. He knew he would have to face Aragorn someday, but he did not want it to be this day. Right now he felt as though he would fall apart in front of his King. Yes, for Aragorn could only be his King now. Nothing more.

A king who would need a new steward because he did not feel up to take that role, to talk about things of state, to attend the council, to face them all as though nothing had happened. He felt ashamed that something like this had happened to him, and so it came to pass that for the first time in his life he would run. He would run and take cover or he might as well go mad. Mad with shame and grief. So he would run like the coward his father always thought he was. Maybe his father was not wrong after all. He gathered all the courage he had left to announce his decision, hoping that Aragorn would let him be for the time being.

“I will leave the city tomorrow,” said Faramir, startling Aragorn out of his reverie.

Aragorn felt as though someone had seized his throat in a powerful grip. He was now near the edge of the abyss, Faramir’s words pushing him further towards the border. Aragorn composed himself as best he could and walked into the room.

“I thought you asleep. I did not want to wake you,” he said, walking around the bed in order to see Faramir’s face. The young man had his eyes fixed on one of the windows, avoiding eye contact.

“You do not need to lie. I know you can tell if I am awake or not. I know you can feel the bond.” Faramir paused for a moment and then continued, all the time his eyes fixed on the window. “I could feel it was you walking down the corridor. And before you say anything, no, I cannot feel the bond. Not thoroughly at least. But I can feel your presence at the edges of my mind. I can feel you better the closer you are,” finished the young man closing his eyes as though in pain.

Aragorn quickly approached the prone figure, reaching out to place a hand on Faramir’s shoulder.

“Do you feel unwell?” asked Aragorn. His hand froze in mid air when Faramir opened his eyes and flinched from his touch with something akin to panic.

“No,” said the young man with a tortured voice that broke Aragorn’s heart and made him retreat his hand as though something had burned it.

“Faramir—”

“I cannot stay here. Everything would remind me… Everything. Every corner would shout at me about what I could have. I could not… face you without… I cannot stay here and I cannot… I cannot be the steward either,” finished Faramir, his eyes avoiding Aragorn’s.

In that moment Aragorn realised Faramir was really lost to him. He could see the futility of trying to mend something that was broken beyond repair. Faramir could not even look at him. His beloved Faramir could not even stand the presence of him. But one thing was sure; he would not lose his steward.

“I can perfectly understand what you wish for. I, myself, find it a difficult task to stand in front of you. I am ashamed of what I have done and I have no right to ask for your forgiveness as you have the right to give none. This might not be the moment to tell you but I have pronounced you Prince of Ithilien and as your king I am asking you…no, I am ordering you to fulfil your duty. You do not leave tomorrow; you are not well enough to travel yet. You can leave for Ithilien when the healers see fit you can do so. I will leave you now and do not worry; in the future, you will not have to endure my presence more than necessary.”

The king left the room without a backward glance. He did not want Faramir to see the tears running down his face.

You can leave for Ithilien when the healers see fit

Faramir could only stare into space, all thought gone from his mind. Why, if he had made the decision to leave, did he feel now discarded? That made no sense. He had stated his reluctance to stay, and he even had refused his position as a steward. The news that the King had made him Prince of Ithilien had left him somewhat dazed. Did the king want him to leave or not? Was he fooling himself? Maybe, deep inside, he wanted Aragorn to force him to stay. Well, in a way, he had, but the coldness in Aragorn’s voice cut him deep. He felt confused. Why did he feel this way? Ashamed of what had been done to him and at the same time drawn to the man that caused it all.

For he loved Aragorn, of that, there was no doubt. Why was destiny so cruel? Where before were feelings of love and admiration whenever he thought about Aragorn, now there was only shame and regret. He felt dirty and used. He felt worthless, now more than ever. So many times his father had told him that he was worthless and never had he felt so utterly close to that. Worthless. Worthless and weak.

Yes, weak. That was the word that certainly defined him right now. All the stewards that had passed the test had lived up to their king’s expectations. Every one of them. And here he was, his king had to ‘order’ him to fulfil his duty for he was incapable to do it on his own accord.

And Aragorn was ashamed of what he did to him. And for that he was to blame, too. Because if he was not so weak as to almost die and on top of it, deny the bond, Aragorn would not feel that way. His own weakness was to blame for his king’s discomfort. Maybe all this was his own fault. If he had not fallen in love with Aragorn, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe he would feel less ashamed or not at all. But then, those were too many maybes.

“Brooding still, I gather?”

Éowyn’s voice brought Faramir back from his reverie. He did not want company just yet. He was tired of falling apart in front of people.

“And I am sure you want to be left alone to drown in self-pity and misery as you see fit. Am I right?” Faramir’s startled face was priceless. It read, ‘how do you do that, woman?’ She had an uncanny ability to read peoples faces like an open book and that became handy when she wanted to pull his strings in the right direction which was anger, in this case, to Éowyn’s amusement. She liked a furious Faramir. She thought it was the most endearing thing to see; though Varan thought otherwise.

“I do not have time for your nonsense, woman. Leave me alone or I will call for Varan to get you out of here.” Faramir knew he was falling into her trap. He knew he was being taunted. His anger started to rise, obliterating everything else. He made an effort to calm down; this time he would not dance to the pace of her tune. “Please, Éowyn, I beg of you.” He changed his tone and looked at her with a mix of anger and desperation in his eyes.

In the end desperation won over anger and self-pity, and to his utter consternation he felt unwanted tears start to run down his face. He turned his face for he did not want to be seen this way, hoping that Éowyn would take pity on him and leave him alone to save some of his pride. No such luck. This was another humiliation to add to his list, a grown man crying over what could have been and was not in front of a lady. He felt Éowyn’s embrace and he was so weak he did not have the courage to decline this small comfort. So he clung to Éowyn’s arms and when he thought his heart could take no more he buried his head in her shoulder.

Éowyn tightened her embrace, one hand smoothing Faramir’s hair with a tender caress. She felt like crying herself but put all her efforts in keeping her tears at bay. She needed to be strong for Faramir now.

Faramir cried even harder. He cried until he thought he would not cry ever again and then out of nowhere came the tears again. All the time Éowyn held him saying nothing. And when at last he was finished crying he heard Éowyn say ‘I will stay with you’.

No need to ask anything. He knew as she knew. She would be there for him wherever he went. And for the first time since they started the farce of constant bickering, he did not disagree. Yes, she would come with him. Faramir tightened his hold but this time no tears came.

NB: Please do not distribute (by any means, including email) or repost this story (including translations) without the author's prior permission. [ more ]

Enjoyed this story? Then be sure to let the author know by posting a comment at https://www.faramirfiction.com/fiction/the-road-ahead. Positive feedback is what keeps authors writing more stories!


8 Comment(s)

oh, my! can’t wait for the next chapter.

— traveller    Wednesday 24 October 2007, 4:31    #

This is absolutely beyond words. Amazing! Thank you so much for writing this wonderful story and please continue as soon as you can…

— eve    Thursday 25 October 2007, 23:13    #

I remember that I read The Ritual long time ago and kept expecting to find The Road Ahead would appear, then finally gave up. So I’m so excited to be able to read it up to the conclusion. Thank you.

— Kittyrefuge    Tuesday 30 October 2007, 19:52    #

Thank you! For a week I knew exactly when you promised to add more chapters to this story, and: you did! Thank you for keeping your promise and for continuing this wonderful story. Cannot wait for the next chapter now! Warm regards, Eve

— eve    Sunday 4 November 2007, 0:54    #

Hi! Thank you, this story is wonderful. I have to admit that I keep on waiting for the next chapter! Kind regards, Eve

— eve    Wednesday 14 November 2007, 22:29    #

what a beautiful ending, thank you so much! (i had been waiting for this story since i read The Ritual)

— traveller    Tuesday 18 December 2007, 20:11    #

This is a heart achingly beautiful piece of work. Ever since I read the ritual I hoped to see a sequel, only to find that it was hiding under my nose. Thank you so much for sharing.

Byte    Tuesday 22 January 2008, 7:13    #

A fabulous story, thanks Valkyrie!
Perchance, do you envisage a sequel, this will be wondeful.
Amicalement.

— camille    Thursday 9 July 2009, 19:12    #

Subscribe to comments | Get comments by email | View all recent comments


Comment

  Textile help

All fields except 'Web' are required. The 'submit' button will become active after you've clicked 'preview'.
Your email address will NOT be displayed publicly. It will only be sent to the author so she (he) can reply to your comment in private. If you want to keep track of comments on this article, you can subscribe to its comments feed.

Filter

Hide | Show adult content

Adult content is shown. [what's this?]

Adult content is hidden.
NB: This site is still for adults only, even with the adult content filter on! [what's this?]

Translate

  • DE
  • ES
  • JP
  • FR
  • PT
  • KO
  • IT
  • RU
  • CN