Faramir Fiction Archive

Under the broken sky (R)

Written by Fëawen

22 November 2009 | 21704 words | Work in Progress

II

With special Thanks to Anastassiya for being a truly wonderful Beta-reader.

He could still feel King Elessar’s touch as he hurried down the passages. It had been friendly and yet he had shrugged.

The ignominy was almost unbearable, what would his Lord think of him? He had had to leave. It surely had been a visual delusion, but when he for a brief moment had eye contact with his King, he thought he had seen tears in his Lord’s eyes. How could that be? Had he disappointed him so deeply? With these thoughts rumbling through his head he did not see, nor perhaps care, were he put his feet. At the same time as he rounded a corner he stumbled into Elladan.

His slender frame collided with the broader chest of the Elf. Since he did not have much to put against the well toned one of the Elven prince’s, he staggered backwards and fell hard on his back.

“Watch where you’re going you little imp. A human should take better care in where he placed his feet” The Elf bellowed and the man in front of him covered his face and head with slender arms. As soon as the words had left Elladan’s lips, he regretted them.

“Forgive me Lord Elladan Elrondion. I did not mean to cause you any nuisance. I do hope I did not hurt you, in any way.” Faramir hasty got himself up and kneeled with his right hand over his heart and head bowed. Elladan felt like kicking himself and he would not have minded having his own tongue cut out either. No one, if they had their senses left, could ever hold any rancour towards this young man. Faramir had always treated him and his kin with respect, never made them feel as their beauty was all that they had and something for everyone to take delight in. He had been so eager to meet up with Elrohir for their daily chess game that he hadn’t become aware of who had run into him. If he had, he would not have sounded so inconsiderate.

“Come now Faramir! You know, calling me by my full name and kneeling before me in this manner, makes me feel like I were older than the Valar. Which, I might add, I am not. You need not to worry about me. It takes more to knock me down than a mare collision. Are you alright there yourself? You took the hardest blow I see.” Faramir looked up on the Elf. He had been sure that Lord Elladan would show his annoyance with some sort of physical reaction. But he hadn’t. Why was that? He had made so many errors during the past weeks, but had not yet faced the consequences of them.

“Thank you, my Lord, but I am well. Again I am sorry for my lack of attention. I am afraid that my minds were elsewhere. A slightly pale red colour spread over his cheeks. He couldn’t help it, but lately it seemed that he could not speak to anyone without flush. Elladan laughed.

“Could they be with a certain dark haired son of Elrond, if I may be so bold to ask? I am actually looking for my dear younger brother. You would not, by any chance, have an idea where I can find him? “ Elladan couldn’t help but tease ‘Ro by calling him little brother, even though he was only older by minutes. Faramir’s heart started pounding like a sledgehammer, the dark eyes wide open, his dry lips slightly open and a face completely drained from blood met Elladan’s. Was his ill mannered reaction in the King’s study already known to everybody?

He licked his lips, cleared his throat and forced himself to smile. He would not embarrass himself by running away without clarification of the fourth time this day.

“I believe that he is in the study in the west wing, my Lord. Does my Lord know where that is located or does my Lord wish me to find a guard that can lead you the way. I hope that my Lord can forgive me for not accompany You myself. It is simply that I have appeared to neglect my obligations. His Majesty has an early meeting with his counsellor in the morning and I have not yet begun summing the reports.” He choked and his voice went up into falsetto.

“Do not worry about such trivial matters, I can find the way by myself.” He gave Faramir a friendly one armed embrace. As he did so he felt the lean muscles contact and the slim body got ready for flight. He frowned.

“Did I hurt you Faramir? Is your shoulder hurting badly?” Faramir shook his head violently.

“No My Lord, not at all. Please forgive me, but I must hurry.” He said in all but a whisper. He left Elladan with a bow and started moving towards the archive. Elladan looked after him.

“What is the matter with that echil⁶? He acts like a dog, waiting for his master to thrash him.” He muttered to himself and went to seek for his twin.

Faramir closed the door to the archive and leaned his pulsation and fiery head against the cool wall. He focused on his breathing. He must get control of himself, not let his guard down and not let it be witnessed by everybody what an emotional fool he was.

His muscles ached as the tension let go and the soreness in his shoulder was worse than before.

With trembling hands he pulled his fingers through the black locks and raised his head. He really had to finish his task. He sat down by the desk and started going through the parchment. The summary of the reports were already done but he did not trust that they were good enough. There was always opportunity for improvement.

The thoughts of attending to the council in the morning made him want to crawl out of his own skin. Some of the men were loyal to his father and he was painfully aware of that they shared the old Steward’s opinions of him, and he himself could not second those estimations.

The King, however, trusted him, why? He could not understand. The only reason he could think of was that King Elessar had probably promised Boromir to take care of the youngest son of Denethor.

“Boromir… Why did you leave me? How could you think that I would be able to live without you? You swore that you would return. And all the talk about you being indestructible, those were just meaningless words weren’t they? You told me that so I would not fear for you and I, your ignorant worthless brother, would be spared of the danger the quest brought with it. When I lost you I lost not only my older brother but the best friend I could ever dream of having. You were my whole family, the one who never lost faith in me. You were the one thing in my life that was good. You shared your deepest secrets with me, but I could not do the same. You gave me everything and I only gave you heartache, worries and lies.

Oh Boromir, forgive me. I should have gone after you, I should have stopped you. If I had you would have been alive and father would finally be rid of the lesser one, the one doomed for a life in solitude and isolation. The one, no one, but you, could ever love”

The words were spoken, but there was no one there to reply. The questions remained unanswered and they were condemned to stay that way.

He snorted. Love that was something he only knew as a word. It was something unfamiliar to him.

Again he closed his eyes and in his mind he saw how a soft breeze played with long, dark hair. Eyes, almond shaped and auburn, looked straight at him. One of the dark and fine sculptured eyebrows split in two by a thin, almost invisible, scar. Lips, so lovely that all he wanted to do was taste them to see if they were as sweet as they seemed, smiled at him.

He imagined how he reached out his hand, tracing the soft jaw line with a trembling finger and tucked the free hair behind a perfectly shaped pointy ear. The lips spoke of things he did neither hear nor knew anything about, but that was not important. All that mattered was that they were here and together. Cool and tender hands now touched his burning cheeks; they wiped away all the worries, fears and doubts. A scent of lilacs and honeysuckle infolded him as the face came near him. He was drawn into an embrace of soft lips, gentle eyes and smooth, sweet fragrance, suntanned skin.

A sudden knock on the window woke him up from his daydream. Who was that? Who could reach this high up? Faramir jolted up and leaned over to see who, or what it was.

Outside the sun had hide behind a veil of steel grey clouds. A fierce wind huff had set a tree’s branches in movements. That was what had made the tapping sound. With a disappointed sigh he sat down. The spell was broken and he could not go back to that special moment and those unspoken feelings between himself and the one, by his family and friends, called ‘Ro.

How he wanted this daydream to continue, he knew however it could never come true. In bed at night, when the nightmares were too frightening, the loneliness too excruciating and the darkness too hostile and antagonistic, he would pray to Nienna. He prayed that she would give him some guidance to what he should do and that she one day could show him some compassion and release him of the pain and emptiness in his heart.

A man should not love another man; it was not normal, not sane. And for him to even dream and fantasize about an Elf in that way was preposterous

No, this was something he did best forgetting and got over. But somehow it seemed like a fruitless mission. To forget that perfect, sweet, gentle and beautiful Prince of Elrond was like asking the sun to stop shining or telling the vegetations to bring their growth to an end. It was impossible. This affection was fated to be yet another secret, supplementary to countless more. Then again, how could it be something erroneous to have love for another? Could the threatening words of being institutionalised, for only having such thoughts and feelings, just be that, threats?

“You really are something, are you not? You should be working not sitting in here feeling sorry for yourself nor should you ever questioning father’s knowledge in things like this. After all that father told you over and over again and you still keep making these errors. No wonder you were punished. You deserved everything, remember that.

The punishments were light considering your crimes. Every father disciplines their child, why would you have been an exception?

The fact that the King has not yet put his thoughts into action does not mean he will not in the future. So stay silent and invisible, take what is given to you with no complains and for Valar’s sake, try not to disappoint him so deeply again. He deserves so much more than you could possible ever wish to offer him.”

Faramir cleared his throat, picked up one of the files on his desk and began to edit the already perfect work in hopes of getting it better.

In moments his eyelids started feeling heavy, he could hardly keep them open. As a soft summer’s rain fell and a thunder echoed over Pelennor he fell into a deep sleep.

“Oh but ‘Ro, he is alone. You can no longer go around like a cat going around a hot plate and try to deny your feelings and I have to tell him about myself. Until then he will always be alone, no matter what we do to ensure him he is not”

“So how do you suggest I prolong this voyage with your young Steward? I feel so lost. How can I ensure him that he is no longer alone and that he has so many friends who care about him and how do I tell him about my feelings without frightening him?” Aragorn hid his face in his brother’s lap and just wanted to fall asleep and that every problem was sorted out when he awoke. ‘Ro sighed and pulled up the man from his resting position.

“I love him Estel, but a heartbreaking fact is that I do not know him. You do, at least you did. What if he is nothing of the things I think of him?” He rose and walked hasty towards the window.

“Do you realise that the things you say make no sense at all? You know as well as I do that love is something you can not explain, it is there and that is all you should care about. I do not think one should analyze on their affection.” Aragorn smiled and joined ‘Ro by the window. The Elf groined.

“Ada would be proud of you. You have taken in more than I of what he used to tell us. But Faramir is nothing like the men I have been with before. I feel so strongly that there is something more than what meets the eye. His way of hiding from anyone’s care must be rooted in something. You told us his father hit him, do you not think that would cause trauma?”

“Denethor’s behaviour towards his youngest was cold and heartless, I do not argue with you about that. But he was always fair and I would not think he punished his sons more than it was needed.” He took a sip from the goblet and lowered his eyes.

“More than what was needed! How can you even say that? You do not slap a child of five for asking a question or grieving his mother. You do not tell a child that his birth was a mistake or that he will never be as good as his sibling.” Elrohir was so furious that he trembled.

“Calm down ‘Ro. Of course I do not agree with what Denethor told his youngest. Those words were truly cruel and heartless. But I do not think that it was neither the words nor the slaps that caused him to be so reserved. Faramir is too intellectual to understand that every one say things they do not mean when they are angry or grieving. He might not have been aware of it when he was a young boy, but later I am sure he understood. All fathers punish their children, even ada and our loving tutors did.”

“We were sent to our rooms without dessert, got extra homework and detentions from Erestor and Glorfindel or grounded but never ever slapped. Are you telling me that, if your future son or daughter was to do something that you did not approve of, you then would even consider slapping them?!” Aragorn stared at his brother and almost dropped the brass carafe filled with spiced wine. He could not believe what he heard. Just conception of causing a child any harm made him sick to his stomach. Elrohir should know better, how could ‘Ro even ask him such a horrendous question?

“How can you even ask me such a thing? Have you ever seen me raise a hand towards a child or even consider it?” The man’s eyes had started to fill up with tears.

“No Estel, I have not. You are a kind and gentle soul and that is way I can not understand why you are defending a demented old fool as Denethor for his actions. Explain that to me, make me understand.” He placed an arm around his distressed brother and forced him to sit down next to him.

“I am not defending him ‘Ro. Believe me, I am not. In Gondor these days it is forbidden to administer corporal punishment on a minor. I have seen to that. But when Faramir was growing up, it was not. So I am not surprised that he was chastised. It is poignant but I am sure that Denethor knew what he was doing. He was never a violent man; he just had troubles expressing feelings. I think that Faramir reminded him to much about Finduilas and he was devastated when she fell ill and departed this life. When Boromir was born something inside Finduilas broke beyond repair and she and Denethor were told that if The Lady ever should be with child again, it would be at the expense of her life. But did not listen and once again Finduilas was with child.

No one believed that she would survive the birth of Faramir, but she did and for five more years. She was sick and weak, yes, but she managed to stay alive for her sons’ sake as long as they still needed her care. When she judged that they would be safe, though without her, she let her ancestors fetch her. To ease his aching heart Denethor had begun to seek answers and solutions in the Palantír, which finally drove him mad.” As he refilled his cup he noticed that ‘Ro had picked up the other and drank its content in a mouthful. Aragorn took the goblet from him and without a word he poured a generous amount into that one as well.

“Poor Denethor, I cannot imagine loosing anyone of our family. I am worried every time when any of you is out, doing Valar only know what, and I am not with you. He had to wait for years. Not knowing when he went to bed at night if his wife would still be alive in the morning. Not to mention him having to deal with bringing up two young boys by himself. I think you are right, Faramir certainly knows that he himself was not the root of the problem, just the closest target. His feelings were no excuses for treating his son the way he did but I think I understand Denethor a bit more now.

Well tithen-rusc-nin⁷ I think you should continue reading those diaries. Maybe we will get some answers, for we are not likely to get them from Faramir himself. You do intend to fill me in do you not?” The Elven prince grinned at his human brother and Aragorn nodded and they embraced each other.

“Is this a private party or am I allowed joining you?” The two turned around and met Elladan’s smiling face in the door. “Have you forgot, dearest tithen-muindor, about our chess game. I can not wait to see your face when you loose.” He had expected to get a rather displeased growl from ‘Ro, but he just nodded and rose. He also saw that Aragorn’s eyes were shiny and red. “What is the matter with you two? ‘Ro, what have you done to Estel? He looks terrible. Come to think of it you do not look so peachy yourself. Tell me, please.” He sat down on a chair in front of the two.

It was Elrohir who begun.

“Estel found Faramir’s old diaries and he… I mean, we think that they can give us the answers to why Faramir is acting the way he is. The facts might help us understand what the best way of helping him is.”

“Is that not obviously? His father used to hit him when he was a child of course that leaves marks. Why should we force him to face that again?! Better for him to try to forget it, right? I do not think that we should tell him anything that reminds him of his past. Forgive and forget – that is the best way to handle these sorts of events, I suppose”

“Oh ‘Dan, shut up! You can not be serious. How can you even suggest that we let him deal with his ghost on his own? I really thought better of you.” Aragorn was furious. What was happening to his brothers? One thought he could strike a child and the other wanted to leave a distressed and lonely friend to his destiny.

“You can be such a tûgdhôl⁸ sometimes. Do not mind him Estel, you know him too well to think that he actually means what he is saying. I do not think he has given our sweet Faramir many thoughts. Tell ‘Dan what you told me. He might understand better, but it is not likely.” He gave his brother a smirk and Aragorn took a deep breath. These problems with his Steward started to affect them all.

“All I meant was that maybe, just maybe, Faramir does not want to deal with it. Ada always told us that if you should ever force someone to deal or face their problems, phobias or worries you could very well send them away further than before. But tell me what you told ‘Ro? Do not leave me hanging.”

⁶ echil – human

⁷ tithen-rusc-nin – My little fox

⁸ tûgdhôl – thickhead

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