09 August 2009 | 2031 words
Title: He remembers…
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters from original LOTR, I merely borrowed them to torture them with my presence.
A/N: Well this is my first LOTR story so please feel free to flame me, yell at me, tell me what I did wrong… What other way am I supposed to learn? ^^
Oh yeah and one little thing – there’s not mentioned Éowyn and Arwen is there for just a moment.
He still remembered his childhood – the way he always hoped for his father to – not praise him, only to… acknowledge his presence. He still remembered his foolish attempts that were scolded so many times, that he let go of them fully later.
Faramir still remembered that bittersweet feeling he had, whenever he was around his brother. The bitterness of knowing that his father won’t ever like him like he did the perfect Boromir, that no one would pay as much attention to him as they did to Boromir. That he never will be as good soldier, captain and son as his older brother was. He remembered those traitorous thoughts as well as the sweetness of his brother’s love. Because Faramir had the feeling Boromir was the only one that loved him. That held him, comforted him, and whispered sweet words of understanding, that he was the only one that was there for him. And he knew, he didn’t deserve the attention that his brother was paying to him – Denethor told him so many times – but even though he felt selfish and unworthy, he couldn’t help it and was grasping desperately at the hours, minutes, seconds his brother was there.
He still remembered the first time he met with his rangers. How nervous and proud and hopeful he was. Proud, because he managed to become Captain at the same age his brother did, hopeful, because there was a tiny little hope deep inside his heart that was whispering that maybe this time, his father will acknowledge his little success, that maybe he’ll even look at him with that proud look he so often did at Boromir… and nervous, because even though he managed to become captain so early… He was scared how it’ll go… And… it didn’t really surprise him when his father looked at him with a glare, telling him that anyone who’d put HIM as a captain must be really foolish… it didn’t surprise him, but it kind of hurt when another part of the little hope he was trying to save in his heart died away…. It didn’t surprise him when Boromir walked up to him, hugged him and whispered to him, that he’ll be great, that he knew Faramir could do it and that he was proud… and Faramir for a minute wondered if having Boromir as a brother was some kind of Valar’s compensation for not having Denethor’s love. He didn’t know; but he was happy to be as gifted as having Boromir for him there.
What DID surprise him though, was how his rangers took him in. When Faramir found his bearings all wet on the first night out, heard quiet whispers and laughter, for a moment he wasn’t sure what to think or what to do… It meant his own rangers didn’t respect him, because why would they do something like that if they did? The thought that they didn’t want him between them and this was a way to drive him back to the palace entered his mind and he frowned, if he indeed ran away from them, he would disappoint his father again and so he sighed quietly before disappearing into nearby forest, trying to find as much wood as possible and few minutes later returning and throwing all of his catch to the fire. In no time the fire grew into such measures that the rangers sleeping around had to get up and crawl away if they didn’t want to be eaten by the heat of the flames. Faramir merely spread his covers and sat down closely, waiting for them to dry and tried not to think how all of them will be tired the next day. He must have fallen asleep when the fire died down a little, because next morning a hand lightly squeezing his shoulder woke him up and when Faramir opened his eyes, he was greeted with a picture of the other rangers quietly talking and the man that was squeezing his shoulder – Anborn, Faramir thought, was handing him breakfast.
“Good morning, Captain.” Captain… The word was pronounced with such respect that Faramir doubted his awakening for a moment, then thought he heard wrong, but when he looked around and saw the smiles, nods and the same respect in HIS rangers’ eyes as he heard in Anborn’s voice, he had to smile himself as a quiet ‘good morning’ escaped his lips. Later his rangers explained to him, that previous night was merely a ‘welcome’ and Faramir smiled, happy for it, because it brought him the respect and friendship of his men.
He still remembered the pain and despair that enveloped his heart when he learned of his brother’s death… He remembered staring into nothing for hours, praying that it wasn’t the truth… But he knew it was… he knew he couldn’t fool himself as well as he knew he didn’t want to say goodbye to the only stabile point in his life, to only person that loved him. And he felt a single tear running down his cheek.
He remembered the time Gandalf told him about the death of his father as well as his madness. The shock of his father’s actions was so deep that it took a little while for Faramir to notice the pain that was creeping up inside him, but once he did, he just closed his eyes and refused to talk to anyone. He didn’t have the best relationship with his father – but the fact that Denethor said that he was his son and wanted to be there for him in the end… That was more than Faramir hoped for in last few years. And tears appeared in his eyes when he remembered that it was a little while before his father killed himself and he himself wasn’t even aware of it as his mind wasn’t there with his body, but instead of that was running in the shadows.
Faramir remembered when HE pulled him out of those shadows, a white shiny figure tearing the darkness around him apart with the light it emitted. How blinding, beautiful and warm was that light in the cold shadows and at that moment Faramir knew… hands of the King are hands of a healer. Faramir knew and when he opened his eyes and saw him- dark and tall – he couldn’t not to listen to his command – not to return to shadows any more.
He remembered all those times his King came to see him in the Healing Houses, asking him how he was feeling, even walking with him to the gardens. And even though Faramir thought it was only because the King wanted to know how his Steward was, when will he be able to fulfil his duties again, there was a light in him, light that made him smile. No, no shadows anymore.
He remembered the time Aragorn asked him to see him as his friend first, a King second. He remembered how surprised he was, and how he wanted to oppose, because it was not right, because he protocol didn’t allow it… And he remembered as he couldn’t do anything but nod as the King caught his hand and squeezed and the warmth from Kin- no, Aragorn’s flesh ran through his whole body.
He remembered how Aragorn told him he was going to marry the Elven woman – Arwen, beautiful daughter of Lord Elrond. He remembered how his chest clenched painfully at that and how bad that little smile felt on his face as he whispered his congratulations. He knew what that clenching in his chest, the inability to breathe in that moment meant, but it wasn’t right for him to feel something like that and Aragorn deserved something better than him… Arwen. But that didn’t stop him from not meaning the congratulations… And he knew he was being selfish.
Faramir remembered it all. And that was why he was standing here and now… in Palace’s gardens… he wanted to be alone as he didn’t want to think about the time his friend will be wed, because it made the clenching in his chest worse and a little soft sigh escaped him as he didn’t even try to fight it.
“I thought I had told you not to return to the shadows.” a gentle voice from behind him startled him and Faramir turned, meeting the eyes of the very man he was thinking about and doing his best not to think about what the King thought of HIM, of how stupid and incapable soldier he was, if he wasn’t aware of his King’s presence.
“I’m sorry, sire.” Faramir whispered quietly, because he didn’t know what else to say and resisted the urge to hit himself when Aragorn’s eyes seemed to darken.
“I thought we had an agreement. And we’re not at the court currently.” The King answered sadly and didn’t look away from his Steward.
“I’m sorry… Aragorn.” Faramir corrected himself before looking to the horizon where the sun was slowly settling. Aragorn stepped closer to him, his eyes also trained on the settling sun as both bathed in the last rays of the burning ball and silence.
And when the sun settled down fully, Faramir turned to his king once again.
“How’s Lady Arwen fairing?”
The dark eyes didn’t look at him and Aragorn didn’t say anything for a long while… and when Faramir thought he wasn’t going to get his answer the King smiled.
“She returned home today.”
The confusion swallowed Faramir’s mind and he stared at his friend as his brain fought to come up with a possible reason as to why should something like that happen.
“She wished to see her home once more before she was wed?”
“Maybe,” Aragorn shrugged; “but she’s not going to be wed to me.”
“But… The preparations…” Faramir mumbled as it was hard for his brain to think as he tried to stifle the quietly cheering voice inthe back of his mind.
“I still hope the wedding will be, even though not with her.” Faramir felt his heart sinking and he didn’t know why when he KNEW that his desire had no right to be fulfilled. “We… Talked last night. I told her I loved someone else more than her and she told me she knew how I felt for she had similar… Problem. She even offered to still be my Queen, ‘cause Elves aren’t selfish with their love but I had to refuse.” Faramir didn’t say anything as he felt his heart sinking even lower; Aragorn truly must love this other person… He wanted to walk away forget about this night, but then Aragorn turned to him, a little smile on his lips as he regarded his Steward.
“Don’t look so sad, Son of Gondor. For it should be I, mourning as I don’t know what your answer will be, for it’s you my heart desires. And even though I do notice the way your eyes seem to shine and your smile widens in my presence… It doesn’t stop my soul from worrying and my heart from beating faster in fear of your rejection.”
Faramir’s eyes were wide as they stared at the face or his King, at Aragorn’s face that seemed closer with each second, and it probably was too, because next he felt Aragorn’s lips on his own slowly moving… And he didn’t hesitate in kissing back.
Yes… Faramir remembered many things… And he’ll make sure to remember the face of his beloved in the moment he’ll let his lips utter the words of his own love… But right now… he was content with remembering their first of many kisses…
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The following people read the story, enjoyed it, and would like to thank the author: bijou , Sue , LN Tora , , Mel