Faramir FanFiction Archive

Just don't call him Twinkle (R)

Written by Fawsley

22 December 2006 | 730 words

Title: Just don’t call him Twinkle
Author: fawsley
Rating: R
Pairing: Boromir; Faramir; Aragorn
Summary: Boromir and Faramir can be utterly wicked at times, as poor Aragorn is about to discover…
Feedback: Is always very much appreciated.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but certainly my pervy twisted imagination.

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How much of that stuff did you put in his wine?

Enough.

Are you sure?

Quite sure. He won’t wake up. Least not until we want him to.

You didn’t use too much, did you?

I do know what I’m doing, you know. I am the sensible one around here.

Oh are you now! Since when, exactly?

Since always, I think you’ll find. Now shut up and help me.

If helping wasn’t quite so much fun, I’d leave you to get on with it by yourself.

Boromir! Just hold it steady and be quiet. I need to concentrate. One slip of the blade and – well, let’s not think about that.

Did you know that you stick your tongue out when you’re thinking hard?

No more than you do.

I don’t! I never stick my tongue out!

It’s hanging out right now! You look like a parched dog!

Well, with that sight before me, what can you expect?

Just keep quiet and hold still – this is getting really tricky….

You’re drooling.

I am not! Hold it up – I need it out of the way while I’m doing this bit.

Bits.

Boromir!

Yes, dear Faramir?

Sometimes I don’t think you realise how very close you are to a second death.

Your love and devotion overwhelm me, little brother.

There! Wipe it down now. Actually you’d better let me….

No! I’m doing it! Give me the cloth!

Stop it!

Look! See – I can be careful too. All done. Beautifully so. Clean as a whistle. And smooth as silk. You’ve done a good job there, Fara.

We can be a team when we try. Now. The finishing touch!

Where on earth do we start? Top or bottom?

Um. Top I think. Here. Do it one at a time, one each, take turns… That’s it. Carefully…

Where did you say you got these from?

I didn’t, but they came from a dancer I know at ‘The Rampant Rohirrim’.

You know the dancers at ‘The Rampant Rohirrim’??!! You go down there?

Occasionally…

Sauron’s shaved balls, little brother! You never cease to amaze me!

Glad to hear it.

Erm… Do you think, maybe, perhaps, well, could I come with you sometime?

I’ll consider it. Have to see what Aragorn thinks.

Aragorn? What’s Raggy got to do with it?

Well, he may not like you cramping our style.

He goes as well?! You both go? Together? Without me?!

Watch what you’re doing! Know something? You are just so easy to tease…

I’ll get you later, little brother. You’re not getting away with that one. But this isn’t easy… Going around the corner… And round the other side… Your bit isn’t straight – my piece won’t go where it should…

Well fiddle with it. No! I didn’t mean like that! Honestly – you’re worse than, well, worse than you were when you were… Oh you’ve always been bad!

Ha! Indeed I have and I fully intend to keep it that way!

Erm, Fara… Is he going to be able to, you know…?

He’s not going to be able to do very much at all for a while. But he’s going to look very pretty!

What about getting them off? They will come off, won’t they?

A good long soapy soak should do the trick.

Sounds fun! Thank goodness for that. I was worried for a moment.

Nearly finished… Only four left to go. Two on your side and two on mine, do you think?

Yes! Excellent! Maybe we should take this up professionally.

Do you think there’s a call for it?

In the right circles I’m sure there is.
Now. Shall we rouse our mosaiced monarch?

One more look first… Beautiful! Quite beautiful!
Very well, time to show off our handiwork I think.
After three?

After three.

One, two three!
Wake up Raggy!
Rise and shine!

Nngggg? Whaa…? Agh… Aghhhhh! What the hell have you two done to me this time?!