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This story is rated «NC-17», and carries the warnings «Incest, AU, Adult. Graphic violence, non-con, interspecies, m/m, torture.».
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Death Long Suffered (NC-17) Print

Written by Alcardilmë

09 December 2009 | 33441 words

Chapter Twelve – Step By Step

“Let me help you hold it.” Boromir took his brother’s hand in his own and instantly regretted it. His face reddened and his breath hitched. “If you,” he took a deep breath and began again. “If you hold the sword thusly, it will still cut a good swath but will not be as difficult to hold.”

Faramir nodded. “I see. It does feel better.”

Boromir tried to let Faramir’s hand go, but the sword immediately dropped. Shivering slightly, he took his brother’s hand into his own again and brought the sword up. “We must practice this for some time; it will strengthen the muscles in your arm and hand and then, you may practice gutting Damrod.”

“Are you angry with him, Boromir?”

“He is derelict in his duty.”

“He had a tooth that needed care. He will return shortly. In the meantime, perhaps we might talk?”

“We have not time for speech, Faramir. You must work hard to strengthen yourself. We have spent the last month helping you learn to walk. You only need your stave and you can walk everywhere. Now, your back, shoulders and chest need strengthening.” He moved his hand and Faramir’s moved along with it. The sword moved from left to right in a jagged movement. Every time Boromir tried to let Faramir take the full weight of the sword it dipped and Boromir was again forced to hold his brother’s hand. His face shone with sweat. At last, he took the sword from Faramir and helped his brother back into his bed. “Rest now. You did well, for the first try.” He turned and filled a cup with water, handed it to Faramir and went over to the window, sitting on the deep sill.

“Boromir. Have I done something wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“You are distant. You have been distant since your illness. Have I done something wrong?”

“Of course not,” Boromir snapped. Faramir still lay under the assumption that Boromir had been ill, when in truth, Boromir had been battling with himself and the rage of lust that consumed his body. He looked out the window. “The Pelennor is covered in white. It snowed last night.”

Faramir remained silent and, for once, Boromir accepted that silence. “Father intends to visit today, sometime after nuncheon, if his duties allow.”

“Why are you not on some assignment, Boromir? Have you been stationed here in Minas Tirith?”

“I am serving here.” Not quite a lie.

“I see. You are here everyday. Your duties are light?”

“Since my illness.” Very close to a lie.

“Boromir!” Faramir’s voice sounded unnaturally high. “Are you still ill? Have you not recovered?”

“I am well enough.”

“Boromir!”

“I am fine. I just need some special medicaments that Siriondil feels should be watched.” A definite lie.

“You must rest. Why do you not depart now. Come back tomorrow. I am well enough. When Damrod returns, Boromir, leave me and rest.”

The stricken look on Faramir’s face filled Boromir with guilt. “I am well enough, Faramir. I would not leave you when there is naught wrong with me but a vague feeling of ill ease.” No lie here. Except the feeling was anything but vague.

“Then I will ask Siriondil what is wrong. If he tells me you need rest, then I will insist.”

“I will rest. When Damrod returns, I will go to my rooms and rest.”

“Thank you.”

“Now that you are commanding me from your room, would you like me to send Ioreth in? I do not think you have finished that book.”

Faramir smiled. “We have, Boromir. We are now reading the Lay of Leithien.”

“Oh. I had not realized. Is it about Elves still?”

Faramir laughed. “It is about an Elven maid and her love for a man.”

Love! Why did the boy have to mention love? He felt his face turn a deeper shade of scarlet and turned away. “Who are the Elves? Any I have heard of?”

“Boromir. It is Beren and Lúthien.”

“I forgot.”

“Would you like to sit with me while she reads it?”

He could not tell his brother that, if he listened to a story of love that deep, he might push Ioreth aside and… ‘Oh, Valar!’ he thought miserably and swallowed hard. “I will rest, as you suggested, Faramir.”

Thankfully, Damrod entered. “I am going to rest, Damrod. Ioreth should be here shortly. If something untoward happens, send a guard for me immediately.”

Damrod nodded and Faramir cleared his throat. Boromir stared for a moment, then went over and kissed his brother on the forehead. “I will see you in the morning.”

Boromir near ran from the room and almost stumbled into Siriondil’s arms. He pulled himself back and apologized.

“Are you feeling well, Boromir? You look flushed.”

“I am fine. It is warm in Faramir’s room and I am in need of a bath. I am going to… I am taking relief for the afternoon. I will return on the morrow.”

“Of course. I will send someone if Faramir needs you.”

“Thank you.” Boromir turned and strode away.

‘I do not understand.’ Siriondil watched the retreating back in wonder. ‘What is wrong with him? I should speak with the Steward. Perhaps I am missing some malady? Nay. There is naught wrong with him that I can see. I know what must ail him. He still grieves for Faramir’s hurts, yet has not the time to heal himself. I must spend more time in conversation with him. Help him to speak of his fears for Faramir.’

Fears for Faramir were the last things on Boromir’s mind; more like fear for himself. For discovery. He shook as he walked, contemplating the repercussions of what would happen if someone discovered his body’s betrayal, his mind’s wanton way. He would be exiled and Faramir would be devastated. Nay. It would be worse than that. Faramir would hate him, of that he was sure. Would recoil from him. Another shudder racked him. He turned from such thoughts and tried to focus on the last conversation he had with his father.

“No good will come of your hovering, your coddling the boy, Boromir. He will never be whole. Let me send him to the houses on the First Circle. He will be well cared for and you can return to your duties, knowing full well he is in competent hands. He will be happier there, Boromir. He will not dwell on his own hurts as he watches others.”

Boromir’s ire rose. “He will not be happy doing nothing but sitting in a chair with a rug thrown over his lap and his face pointed to the window. He would go mad.”

“I need you in Osgiliath, Boromir. There have been attacks against the garrison. Captain Hador is inexperienced. He lost a whole half company the other day.”

“Then send Captain Angrod. He is old, but not dotard. He has experience fighting Orcs. I will not leave Faramir.”

“Yet, talk in the City suggests you have done just that, Boromir. Do you tire of your charge already?”

Boromir’s cheeks blazed red. ‘Hopefully,’ Boromir thought, ‘Father will think it anger.’ He stood up and walked to Denethor’s study door. “I will die before I leave him, Father.” With that, he turned and left.

As Boromir entered his own rooms, he pulled his arms about him. The fireplace lay untended; the room’s cold immediately assailed him, yet the heat that still emanated from his body, he felt certain, could have warmed fourteen rooms. He swore.

‘I tire of this never-ending battle that rages within my body,’ he thought wildly. ‘If I do not control it soon, all will be lost.’ Mayhap it would be best to have Faramir removed to the Soldier’s Home. ‘If I could return to fighting, perhaps I could command this body once more.’ No doubt lingered in his mind; if he stayed alone with Faramir one more moment this day, he would have taken his brother in his arms and – what power in all Middle-earth could have stopped him then. He punched his hand into a nearby wall and flinched. ‘That would be all I would need now, to break my hand and have to explain it.’


A/N – The Lay of Leithian was a long Elvish lay that told the story of Beren and Lúthien, their Quest for the Silmaril, and their return from Mandos. It was said to be the second longest of all such tales (with the longest being the Narn i Hîn Húrin, the story of Túrin and Nienor). http:??tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Lay_of_Leithian

Boromir

Faramir

Denethor

Damrod – Soldier of Gondor

Mablung – Soldier of Gondor

Siriondil – Master Healer of Gondor

Aldrich – Boromir’s aide

Arroch – Boromir’s mare

Hafoc – Mablung’s mare

Ioreth – Healer’s assistant

Hador – Captain of Osgiliath

Angrod – Captain of Gondor

NB: Please do not distribute (by any means, including email) or repost this story (including translations) without the author's prior permission. [ more ]

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43 Comment(s)

An interesting start to the story. Poor Faramir! I look forward to the next installment.

— Ria    Friday 24 July 2009, 2:40    #

Saw this started on Henneth-Annun, and hoped it would come here as well. A very difficult topic, and you are handling it with great care!

— ebbingnight    Friday 24 July 2009, 23:45    #

Many thaks Ria and ebbingnight for reading. I hope you enjoy this. It is a bitter-sweet little tale. Alcardilme

Alcardilmë    Monday 3 August 2009, 20:57    #

I have not been to this site for quite some time now. I havn’t had time but I have missed it. I found some free time today and I sat down to see if there were any new stories, and I found yours. I once made a promice that I would never again read a WIP that wasn’t finnished. I will never be so foolish ever again, I can’t belive that I almost missed this. Now here I am with my heart in my throat just waiting for a new chapter. I love this story. The way you are jumping between time is so skillful, it’s just perfect. The subject is indeed a hard one but the way you are dealing with it is remarkable.
Thank you for letting us read this story. I am hooked.
Thank you

— Ingrid    Wednesday 5 August 2009, 10:06    #

Many thanks, Ingrid. For your hearts ease, this tale is complete; (I have felt the same way abouts WIPs – which made me vow never to start a tale and not finish it!) I am just putting it up chapter by chapter… trying to put up one every 4-6 days. I hope I sustain your interest and delight! You really help a writer feel good.

Alcardilmë    Wednesday 5 August 2009, 13:26    #

My heart be still!
You really do know how too keep a girl in suspence. I just love it. It’s so perfect and the way that you write sends shivers down my spine, in a most delightful way, I am a lover of a beautiful language and yours… I can’t even find a word to do it justice.
How i wished that I could write like you but sadly that is a talant I am denied. Lucky for me I can always come here and read it over and over again and it will always be here.
Thank you again

— Ingrid    Sunday 9 August 2009, 21:00    #

blushes Thank you very much. Even after all these years of writing, it still tickles my heart to be so kindly applauded. Again, 10,000 thanks!

— Alcardilmë    Monday 10 August 2009, 0:24    #

Yes!! One more chapter.
I am so glad that Faramir is awake but I fear for him as he in time comes will remeber or find out what has happened to him, how will he cope with that? What a sweet song Boromir sang to him, you have really captured the love between them in a beautiful way. I hope that Boromir can help his ‘little one’. Boromir reminds me so much about my own big brother, so I can’t help but love him.
I am thankfull that Denethor is not a brutal monster but that he actually care about both his sons. It is sad though, that it would have to come to such a terrible thing like this for Denethor to show some love and concern for his youngest.
Can hardly wait for the following chapters.
Hugs

— Ingrid    Friday 14 August 2009, 21:51    #

Thank you so much! The way that Tolkien describes B & F’s love for each other in the Appendix is so beautiful and poignant – especially considering what happens in their lives. (the song is one I made up and sang to my own children; they now sing it to theirs!)

As for Denethor – it would be rare indeed for me to ever ‘abuse’ the man. I thought he was a tragic hero in LotR.

Bless you for your kind words and your enthusiasm. MOST appreciated!

Alcardilmë    Saturday 15 August 2009, 3:43    #

(Whispers between tears) Thank you so much.
Lovely and beautiful is not enough for such a story.

— Ingrid    Wednesday 19 August 2009, 12:07    #

Ah, Ingrid – offers a clean hanky – sorry for the tears, but I’m glad they were ‘happy’ tears… or perhaps contented tears. Bless you!

Alcardilmë    Thursday 20 August 2009, 2:40    #

You are so talented. The way you write, it feels like I am almost there, like I am a spirit standing beside and can do nothing but witness the horrors.
You are a genious, a creator, a wounder.
I wish that my first language was english so that I could realy tell you what my heart speaks

— Ingrid    Saturday 29 August 2009, 10:19    #

Your heart speaks through your words and mine is forever toched.

Bless you for the very kind review. I am grateful beyond words!

Alcardilmë    Sunday 30 August 2009, 21:02    #

I feel blessed for being able and allowed to read this. The story is so wonderful, I will never be able to thank you or praise you enough. Everything just gets better and better. Poor Boromir, trying so hard to do what he think is best for Faramir, and poor Faramir who can’t understand why his beloved brother has changed so much. I have said it before and I say it again, I wished that I had your talent for writing.

—    Wednesday 9 September 2009, 14:28    #

I cannot thank you enough for this review. I just got totally, soundly, and horrendously rejected for my tale, Betrayed, at Henneth Annun.

So the timeliness of your kind words are as a soothing balm upon my dispirited and distraught soul.

Thank you – ten thousand times!!!!

Alcardilmë    Wednesday 9 September 2009, 23:01    #

I apologize that this is the first time I have left a note on this. Quite frankly early on when I saw what happened to our poor Faramir, I wasn’t sure my heart could take it and I had decided not to submerge myself. That being said, I have to tell you that I just couldnt help myself. This tale is just so wonderfully woven that I just cant let it go. I keep coming back again and again hoping our Faramir will be whole again. I have a great visual in my head of the happenings here and it keeps calling me back. Thank you for this. Based on what I see here I find it difficult to see anyone rejecting your material. Is this story on this site somewhere? Can we read it?

— Kelly    Wednesday 9 September 2009, 23:52    #

Like Kelly, I was rather wary of getting involved with the characters in this tale. I first saw it on HASA. The rape and torture of dear Faramir are quite difficult for me to endure. (I must admit to reading those parts quite quickly, with one eye closed!) The rest of the story, however, is so skillfully told and the love between the brothers is so achingly beautiful that it touches my heart.

— trixie    Thursday 10 September 2009, 0:55    #

Thanks so much, Kelly, for your review. It is beautiful. This came out of a nightmare I had; I could not sleep afterwards until I had written it down. Then, the Muse just continued – bless her! It turned into a bitter-sweet little thing that breaks my heart.

Very glad you pushed through that first chapter. It is difficult.

My other tale is posted here http://www.faramirfiction.com/Fiction/betrayed

Blessings,
Alcardilme

Alcardilmë    Thursday 10 September 2009, 10:50    #

Ah, trixie, I wrote that first chapter with my eyes closed. I hated the things that happened to Faramir. He will heal, with the help of Boromir, but Boromir never will. Life can be like that sometimes.

I love your phrase ‘achingly beautiful’ – it well describes what is in my heart about their relationship.

Bless you for your kind words. They are most appreciated!

Alcardilmë    Thursday 10 September 2009, 10:56    #

I checked out Betrayed. I thought it sounded familiar. I did read it when it was posted. I liked it very much. This story also made my stomach hurt in the beginning but I couldn’t keep from reading on. I guess there is always someone that is not going to like everything. You write beautifully and the rest of us enjoy your work very much.

— Kelly    Thursday 10 September 2009, 14:36    #

Many thanks, Kelly. Even though I have written for quite some years, this year has been a difficult one. I am glad the Muse has not abandoned me, and very glad I found this site. Very decent people here. Bless you!

Alcardilmë    Friday 11 September 2009, 9:47    #

This story has everything. Love, hate, terror and even happiness.
My heart aches for the trauma Faramir is going through and for Boromir who can’t, or rather won’t, give voice to what is troubling his heart.
The way you build up the chapters and when they end one can’t seem to stop think of what will happen next, that is a heard thing to accomplish, but you have mastered that.
I am forever grateful that you had the courage to write this story.
When my returning nightmares hunts me and I am to afraid to face them, I turn to this story and I can for a short time forget my own fears.
Thank you forever and ever.

— Ingrid    Sunday 20 September 2009, 10:22    #

Many thanks for your kind words! I am so grateful this story strikes a chord. After finally realizing what the Muse wanted from the nightmare, I could only succumb and write it.

Again Many Thanks!

Alcardilmë    Wednesday 23 September 2009, 20:53    #

Our poor, gentle and sweet Faramir.
He have so much to deal with. I hope that by telling what he has been forced to endure he will come to understand that love can be something nice. I also hope that he will finally be able to sleep through a night without terrors.
Even though it brakes his heart I am sure that Boromir never will leave him or blame him for what has happened.

— Ingrid    Friday 9 October 2009, 23:01    #

That chapter was incredibly difficult to read. I can only imagine what it must have been like to write. And I do not even want to imagine what it must have been like for Boromir to hear.

— trixie    Friday 9 October 2009, 23:47    #

Ah, Ingrid – though this is AU, Boromir will leave for Rivendell… it is written in the stars.
And Boromir’s love for Faramir is quite extraordinary. But so is Faramir, is he not!

Alcardilmë    Sunday 11 October 2009, 5:27    #

Many thanks for the support on this, Trixie. It was written because of a nightmare – and this is chapter is what I saw. Nasty – to say the least!
As for Boromir – how could a brother stand to hear, let alone bear, such things? Especially one who loves his little brother with his very being?

Alcardilmë    Sunday 11 October 2009, 5:31    #

I truly admire your courage in seeing this through to the end: I suspect that many writers would soften the story somehow. But most nightmares, by definition, don’t have happy endings, do they?

— ebbingnight    Wednesday 14 October 2009, 15:42    #

This nightmare was even worse. I did tone it down a bit, except for Chapter 15. I have no idea why I dreamt of Faramir and in such dire circumstances!

Many thanks for your review and your kind words.

Alcardilmë    Sunday 18 October 2009, 5:21    #

This tale is so harrowing that at times I need to turn away. Yet it is so gripping that I cannot. I almost feel obligated to Faramir, Boromir, and you to hear this out.

— trixie    Tuesday 10 November 2009, 22:43    #

Many thanks, trixie, for not running from this tale. The brothers love for each other compells me to continue to write this.

Your comments are most appreciated. Faramir and Boromir thank you too.

Alcardilmë    Friday 13 November 2009, 5:03    #

So sweet and wonderful. I love this story so much. Thank you for sharing it with the rest of us

— Ingrid    Friday 13 November 2009, 7:43    #

I think we all needed a wee bit of a break – a smile or some such. VERY thankful for your kind comments and for your continued support.

Alcardilmë    Monday 16 November 2009, 4:32    #

Of Course you have my support. I could never leave this story nor quitting comment it. You have taken this story to a whole new level. In the beginning I feared reading, like I knew what might happen. I think I have an idea now as well… but now I am anticipating :) It is a remarkable story and you are a fantastic writer

— Ingrid    Wednesday 18 November 2009, 11:48    #

Ingrid – thanks again for your comments. Always heartening to me.

I am afraid I might disappoint you – this tale is near its ending – it doesn’t end the way I thought it would. :(

Alcardilmë    Tuesday 24 November 2009, 19:51    #

Chapter 20 made me smile and even chuckle. Any joy they can experience is precious. But, oh, this latest chapter. . . Poor Boromir, willing to give anything of himself to help his brother.And poor, poor Faramir, realizing now what he has asked of his brother.
Caterwauling is perfect :)

— trixie    Wednesday 25 November 2009, 19:00    #

This was a heartbreaking chap. Poor Boromir and Faramir. I fought not to let tears appear, but I failed miserable.

Thank you so much Hugs

— Ingrid    Monday 30 November 2009, 12:48    #

Hi, Trixie, thanks for the kind words. When one loves deeply, one will do anything… and one will be asked sometimes beyond one’s capacity… the brothers are definitely tragic characters… even in Tolkien’s books.

Alcardilmë    Tuesday 1 December 2009, 21:00    #

Ah, Ingrid… this was difficult, wasn’t it? But Faramir is now ready to continue living, though the price Boromir paid for his brother’s healing is immeasurable… Thanks for your support!

Alcardilmë    Tuesday 1 December 2009, 21:03    #

This story was wonderful. What a strange feeling now that the story has ended. Poor Boromir. I loved how you got the title of the story into the story itself. You are a true artist in your work.
Alcardilmë, I salute you.
*Kneels in front of you, with my head bowed*

— Fëawen    Thursday 10 December 2009, 7:54    #

It’s a very strange feeling being done with this – as this, I think, is one of my favorites. Many thanks for your kind words. I kneel in thanks!

Alcardilmë    Wednesday 16 December 2009, 4:53    #

The brothers have never failed to touch me. Even during a time in my life when I felt numb to everything. their tale was able to cut through the fog and move me.

The description of this tale is one that at one time I never would have opened, especially with the word ‘incest’. But I am so glad I did! It was beautiful and wrenching and captured the depth of the selfless love and devotion between the two so beautifully. Thank you!

— trixie    Friday 18 December 2009, 5:57    #

Trixie – my deepest thanks. The brothers and their love is beyond endurance – whether it be slash or not. I loved Tolkien’s appendix note about their love. Self-less and deep as the sea. Bless you for commenting!

Alcardilmë    Sunday 20 December 2009, 4:42    #

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