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This story is rated «NC-17», and carries the warnings «References to predominantly incestuous rape; child abuse; violence. AU timeline.».
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Walk No More In The Shadows (NC-17) Print

Written by Minx and Iris

12 January 2007 | 50694 words | Work in Progress

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Chapter 8

“No, he didn’t,” Gandalf said quietly as he took in the situation around him, “Pippin, I think you should leave now.”

“But —,” the young hobbit started, unhappily, his eyes glistening with unshed tears as he noticed the little scene playing out in front of him, “I didn’t –” he broke off with a low sob.

“I know,” Gandalf said in a kind but low voice, “Why don’t you leave that tea here, Pippin, and get some for yourself in the kitchens. I“ll join you soon. Save some cake for me.”

Shuttling Pippin out of the room, Gandalf turned back to his young friends. Aragorn was still staring at a mortified Faramir.

“He… raped you? And for years, like Pippin said? Why? How? I mean– why haven’t you told me before?”

Faramir didn’t reply. He had transferred his gaze to his hands, as they played with the hem of his blanket. Gandalf sighed heavily, and went to sit by Faramir and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close, while ensuring that he could face Aragorn.

“You have to talk about it some time,” he tried softly but got no response. He looked up at Aragorn who still stood there, incredulous.

“Yes, he raped him,” he said finally, squeezing Faramir’s shoulder gently. The young man slumped back against him, defeated.

“You knew?” Aragorn turned to him promptly, surprised and hurt, “and Pippin too! How many know of this?”

“Only we know, and only recently,” Gandalf replied, “It had been happening for years.”

Faramir emitted a low gulping sound at that and tried to cover his face with his hands but Gandalf gently stopped him.

“I wish I had found out earlier, though,” the wizard said, “All these years. You hid it very well,” he addressed Faramir here, “I could not even guess on my visits to Minas Tirith – when you said you were merely tired or fatigued every time I inquired about your stiff gestures… I suppose if I had paid a little more heed -”

Aragorn stared at Faramir in shock, still trying to process what he had just heard. Taking in the sight of the forlorn face, the wet eyelashes, and the tiny little sniffs, he instinctively sat on Faramir’s other side, and wrapped an arm around him, feeling almost stupidly glad that he wasn’t pushed away as expected.

Faramir blinked and let the tears fall.

Aragorn inched a little closer, his face still mirroring the shock he felt.

“And if Pippin hadn’t found out, you’d never have let anyone know”, Gandalf continued quietly, “You’d simply have suffered in silence and I would have let you do so unknowing. You hid it from everyone so well! Even Boromir. And now Aragorn. He thinks you worry over your father’s words and beatings.”

“For years?” Aragorn mouthed.

“Since he was thirteen,” Gandalf told the horrified king, and then continued speaking to Faramir, “But now that I do know about it, it is the least I can do to ensure that I help you recover. Do you not always say that you count me a friend? And don’t tell me you don’t still suffer from what he did to you. You have nightmares each night! Isn’t that why you had been working all night instead of sleeping?”

Aragorn gave a guilty start at that. He wanted desperately to hug the softly sobbing young man and assure him everything was going to be all right, but he knew very well that that gesture would only cause Faramir more distress. Gandalf seemed to know what he was doing.

“I let you go the last time,” the wizard was saying, “I felt there was no course but for you to do your utmost to defend Gondor. But that’s not the case now, so rest assured, whether you desire it or not, I will see you recover.”

The sobs intensified, and Aragorn felt his own eyes tearing up, as he instinctively hugged Faramir.

“I’ll get you some of that tea,” Gandalf murmured, and rose. Aragorn’s arms tightened and he pulled Faramir close carefully, letting his head rest on his shoulder, the silent tears staining the fine cloth of his tunic.

Gandalf watched Aragorn and Faramir thoughtfully as he poured the tea into a cup. The king was running his hands up and down Faramir’s arm soothingly, and the Steward seemed to unconsciously inch closer to the source of comfort. Faramir was in perfectly good hands Gandalf decided silently. He was obviously in no state to speak though… best to leave him to sleep… Aragorn could see to that; he was so eager to help, and it would give him time to collect his thoughts. Gandalf put aside the teapot, as he recollected Pippin’s distress.

“Here,” he said as he handed the cup to Aragorn, “Make him drink that. I need to go and see how Pippin is doing. Poor fellow seemed very upset.”

Bending down, he dropped a kiss on Faramir’s lowered head, “Rest now, child. All will be well.”

Aragorn nodded distractedly at Gandalf, his attention firmly affixed on Faramir. He held the cup to Faramir’s mouth forcing him to lift his tear-streaked face.

“Drink,” he said gently, but firmly, and handed the cup to the distraught man.

Faramir’s fingers were shaking as he took the cup, but he held it.

Aragorn continued to hold him in his arms, trying to think of anything to say, but sensing that nothing he might say at this moment would be of much help.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally, “But I“m glad I now know. There was no need for you to hide this from me. I yearned greatly to help you, my friend, and now I know what troubles you so, I will do just that.”

Faramir stayed silent, sipping at the tea, tears continuing to run down his face. Aragorn continued to have his arms wrapped loosely around him.

Once Faramir had finished the tea, he took the cup from the numb fingers, and kissed him softly on his head, sighing silently as he hoped he could live up to his promise.

“Would you like to rest now?” he suggested quietly, knowing the tea would induce sleep, he’d smelt the relaxing herbs in it.

Faramir didn’t try to move out of his embrace. He seemed too spent to think of it.

Aragorn started to rub soft circles on his back, hoping it would relax the tense young man.

“I’m here now,” he whispered softly, “I’ll look after you.”

Faramir dropped off into a restless sleep shortly, but Aragorn continued to hold him.


Gandalf found a rather distraught hobbit waiting anxiously for him in the kitchen.

“Gandalf, I“m so sorry! I didn’t realize Strider didn’t know. He spends so much time caring for Faramir and he seems so worried about him. I really thought Strider knew about this,” Pippin said in a frantic rush. He dropped his eyes unhappily, “I messed up again, didn’t I?”

“It’s not that bad, my dear Pippin. If anything, your characteristic rash action actually made me feel relieved this time. I wasn’t pleased at all with the way Faramir was hiding Denethor’s abuse from Aragorn. I can understand he felt embarrassed and didn’t want to talk about it, but it wasn’t helping his recovery at all. He has had to live with it for over twenty years; it’s an inevitable part of who he is now. Hiding from it won’t make it go away. He has to face his demons before he can overcome them, and Aragorn can be a great help in that. And you“re right, he indeed cares deeply for him.”

Gandalf paused to reach for some cake as Pippin nodded seriously. The young hobbit had been extremely unhappy to see Faramir ailing while the others were so cheerful and he’d truly been glad when he’d thought that Strider was helping his friend be happy once again.

“Truth be told,” Gandalf continued at a distinctly brighter tone, “Aragorn isn’t blind and asked me, on more than one occasion, if I knew what was troubling Faramir. Yet Faramir had me promise not to tell anyone, least of all Aragorn. Obviously I couldn’t betray his trust, even if it went against my own inclination. It was most awkward.”

With a wink the old wizard pushed the last of the cake in Pippin’s direction, “You actually saved me from a very precarious situation!”

Pippin stared at him doubtfully, but helped himself to the cake nevertheless, sighing silently and hoping Faramir would indeed get better earlier now.


Faramir was still in Aragorn’s arms when Gandalf returned to his room. Aragorn sat running his fingers mechanically through the younger man’s hair; his troubled eyes were gazing out of the window. His thoughts seemed to be elsewhere.

“Is he asleep?” Gandalf asked, causing the king to glance up at him.

Aragorn nodded and then very gently laid Faramir back on the bed, tucking the covers neatly around him and very gently wiping away the tears on his pale cheeks. Gandalf watched quietly, wondering when the barrage of questions would start. Aragorn however turned quietly to him, “He has not eaten. He must wake by evening and eat a little. He cannot afford to miss more meals. I know you would like to stay with him,” he said, “I shall have your noon meal sent to you here.”

“Aragorn,” Gandalf’s voice halted him, “How was he faring?”

He turned around, his troubled eyes meeting the wizard’s gaze unhappily, “I could not tell. He cried and then he slept off.”

Gandalf nodded grimly.

He left quietly, and returned to his study where he leafed through his papers unseeingly. He could still remember Denethor from his days as Thorongil, the stern faced son of the then Steward Ecthelion. He had been cold natured, inured already to the harshness the Stewardship seemed to demand, seeing control and dominance as the means to rule a land labouring under the shadow’s threat.

Yet at the same time he remembered the glimpses he had seen of Denethor’s private life: despite the cold demeanour he greeted all others with, he had never seen him as anything but an affectionate and devoted husband to his new bride and later a proud and loving father to his infant first-born son. He could not fathom why Denethor would have wanted to treat his own son as he did. And yet, Aragorn could believe that he would.

From all Boromir had said Denethor had showered all his love and affection upon his heir, and kept none for his younger son.

He could not get Faramir’s stricken expression out of his mind. That Faramir had borne the brunt of Denethor’s scorn Aragorn had guessed from all he had heard. To realize that the scorn had translated into physical abuse had been bad enough, but to find out now that Denethor had done far worse to Faramir… it explained much of Faramir’s mood these days, Aragorn thought heavily.

Poor Faramir… All these years, and no one ever got to know… not even Boromir… how could he withstand it…


Aragorn was back in his Steward’s room that evening. Gandalf had sent him a message telling him Faramir was awake. He found the younger man lying on his side, his back to the door, and the tray of food only half-eaten.

“Faramir?” he said softly.

There was no response from the figure on the bed, save for a very slight stiffening of the back, which Aragorn almost missed. When he rounded the bed, he found the younger man had his eyes closed.

“Faramir?” he repeated, his voice still soft.

There was no response. He seemed fast asleep, and yet Aragorn knew he was not. He sighed and made to leave the room. Faramir was probably quite exhausted given what he had gone through earlier. He could understand if he didn’t feel like talking to anyone.

A soft cough sounded from the door. He glanced up to see Gandalf there.

“He’s sleeping,” he said shortly, “I do not wish to disturb him. He needs rest still.”

Gandalf sighed silently, “I had hoped he would eat some more before sleeping again.”

Aragorn nodded and then walked over to the window, standing with his back to the other occupants of the room.

“Gandalf, if I know him well enough, he may well turn away from me now, will he not?”

“He will not be happy with himself for having cried in front of you, yes,” Gandalf replied, seating himself on a chair by Faramir’s bedside and helping himself to an apple from his plate, “He is not even happy that he has fallen ill in your presence… He fears to be seen as weak and… now I think he will fear that you will look down upon him.”

“I do not see him as weak,” Aragorn said firmly, “Anything but that. After what I have learnt today, even less so. And I would not want him to turn away from me from fear that I may look down upon him for what is not his fault.”

“Indeed,” Gandalf murmured.

He turned around, his eyes hard, “I do mean that Gandalf! He is a fine young man and one that I have grown to wish as a good friend, and if a friend of mine were to hurt as this young one surely is, then I would do all I can to help them. I hope you will let me, will you Faramir?” his tone suddenly went softer.

Gandalf watched the bed interestedly, where a rather surprised Faramir was sitting up and staring numbly at his king.

The eyes fell at the mention of his name.

“Look at me, Faramir,” Aragorn entreated gently, “I know you feel I have intruded upon something you were not ready to share with me, but please, I think of you as a very dear friend now. Will you not think thus of me as well?”

“He’s right, lad,” Gandalf said quietly, “What happened to you is now no longer a secret between just you and Denethor. Then you had no one to turn to for no one knew what was happening but now we do, so let us help you.”

Faramir eyes were bright with tears when he looked up, “I don’t deserve it,” he said softly, “All these efforts you waste upon me, I am not worth all this.”

“Ssh,” Aragorn said, seating himself on the bed by Faramir, “You are worth all that and much more.”

He shook his head unhappily, “I am not even worth being the Steward.”

“We have discussed that before. Let us not speak of it again. You are my Steward by virtue of your birth and you will remain my Steward by virtue of your ability. I do not think any other man in this kingdom could help me sort out that mess that is lying on my table!”

Faramir looked unconvinced still, and when Gandalf urged him once again to let them help, Aragorn thought he looked positively scared, and yet, he hadn’t pushed him away.

Thankfully!

Well, even if he tried, he was going to find his king was not at all easy to push away. He gently grasped Faramir’s hand and squeezed it lightly, and smiled in an attempt to reassure his surprised Steward.

NB: Please do not distribute (by any means, including email) or repost this story (including translations) without the author's prior permission. [ more ]

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33 Comment(s)

Today have been a weird day. You just saved me from nightmares of my own, I know that I´ll sleep better tonight after reading this… please keep on writing on this story…
Thank you…

— buffy72    Tuesday 11 April 2006, 1:21    #

Oh, please do continue soon with this lovely story. It is so loving and tender; thank you for all the reading pleasure in this story.

Monica

— Monica    Sunday 28 May 2006, 6:34    #

Monica-

Great to hear you liked it so far; we try to get the next chapter finished just as soon as we possibly can!

Thanks for your feedback

Iris    Monday 29 May 2006, 18:34    #

I LOVE that story :)
please, update!
poor, poor Faramir :( but Aragorn is making such sweet nurce-man ;p

— NessSachiel    Tuesday 26 September 2006, 6:31    #

Yes, poor Faramir indeed. but Aragorn is certainly going to take care of that:) thank you for reading and we’ll try to update as soon as possible.

Minx    Saturday 30 September 2006, 3:47    #

every time I read that…I want to kill Denethor a lot painfull that simple burning. And I wish for Boromir to coodle him :( (and it will be great to see Aragorn with Boromir as familly to him :P…I see swords, lots of it :P)

— nessSachiel    Tuesday 3 October 2006, 15:13    #

ooooh~ update! another heart wrenching chapter! Gah! Still wondering about the results of Faramir’s research on Gondor’s version of karma sutra~ grins

— enkemeniel    Saturday 13 January 2007, 0:50    #

Yes! Chapter 14! What a great update for this wonderful story!
I deliberately took my time when read it the first time, savored each word and appreciated every sentence. The story itself is very satisfying. This is a beautifully written chapter, worth the wait!
Minx and Iris, you two are very skillful and canning, knowing exactly what can and how to touch the “strings of the reader’s heart”. At least, my heart! I salute you!

dream.in.a.jar    Saturday 13 January 2007, 13:45    #

nessSachiel-

No miraculously undead!Boromir in this one, I’m afraid. But Aragorn will do his best to take very good care of poor darling Faramir... and we'll all just have to make due with that ;)

Thanks for your feedback!

Iris    Saturday 13 January 2007, 20:57    #

enkemeniel-

Yesss… that’s all promise of things to come ;) Well spotted! We always like to sow the seeds and then build on these ideas in future chapters.

Thanks for commenting – always much appreciated!

iris    Saturday 13 January 2007, 21:03    #

dream.in.a.jar-

Thank you so much for your sweet words! Wonderful to hear we’ve been able to touch you-
Sorry this chapter was so long overdue – all my fault, of course.

iris    Saturday 13 January 2007, 21:08    #

Is this story dead? It seems to have stopped updating altogether. I was really enjoying it and wanted to see what happened when the councilors finally came back into play. Please don’t give up on this one.

— Mandy    Sunday 17 June 2007, 15:48    #

Mandy- nice to hear you enjoyed the story so far. It’s not dead, we have lots of ideas for further development — but unfortunately I’ve been awfully busy with RL lately. Hopefully we’ll be able to update again sometime soon.

iris    Sunday 17 June 2007, 17:11    #

Please, please, continue this story. The two of you are talented writers. I cannot wait to see how it ends. Please don’t stop. Eve.

— eve    Sunday 21 October 2007, 20:26    #

Dear Mandy,

Looking at the previous comments, I see it’s been over a year since I last asked if this story was dead.

Looking at the previous comments, I believe it’s not yet been a year but rather some 8 months since you last asked if the story was dead. It was over a year since the story was last updated. So if you would have asked if the story was dead over a year ago, that would have been quite presumptuous, seeing as at that time we would have posted a new chapter just weeks —or days— ago.
Perhaps you just got the dates confused, but if the dates are showing up differently on your end, please let me know so I can look into that.

And again, I do not consider this story ‘dead’. Dead is when there are not going to be any further updates ever, when the author has run out of ideas or has given up writing altogether. I’ve had a nearly finished chapter 15 on my desktop for over a year now, along with a substantial following chapters document. And as I’m sure you’re aware, Minx is still writing as much as ever. All it needs is for me to have a couple of free hours. But as it turns out, there have been rather few of those lately, and those I have are always taken up by other things before I can get to this story (by, say, checking if the dates on comments at this archive haven’t gone wonky). But — because you asked so nicely — I’ll move it a couple of spots up towards the top of my to-do list, and let’s see if we can get something out before it’s been a year since you first asked. ;)

Iris    Sunday 24 February 2008, 8:46    #

omg you both are fantastic!! i was just browsing around and you got me hooked!! i love the emotional roller coaster! this is so one of the best stories i got the privilege of reading!!!

babs    Monday 10 March 2008, 6:53    #

This is such a wonderful story! It made me cry, it was so sad. Please, please continue it!

— Kayla    Wednesday 11 June 2008, 21:08    #

Are you planning to continue this story…? Or can I quit looking at this site for a next chapter? I hope that you will go on. I really hope so! With love and respect for the way you write, it is wonderful. Eve

— Eve    Saturday 4 October 2008, 19:25    #

Eve,

Thanks for your kind words! We’re working on it…
If you don’t care to check the site for updates, you can always subscribe to one of our feeds and have updates brought to you instead.

Iris    Sunday 5 October 2008, 16:02    #

Hi! Please, please, please… finish this story!!!! It is so, so wonderful…. Kind regards, Eve

— Eve    Wednesday 7 October 2009, 23:56    #

Eve, as I’m sure you can tell from Minx’s steady stream of fabulous fics, she’s not the one holding this up… But I just finished a big project so I should have a bit more free time in the coming months, and I hope to spend some of it on this.
Thanks for your kind words!

iris    Monday 12 October 2009, 12:47    #

Oh How wonderful it would be with an update if you feel that you have the time. I love these two stories, One Last Time and this one. I find myself coming back to them again and again. These are my absolute favorites.
You and Minx are two of the most talented people I have ever been i touch with. I feel like something grater guided me to you. I owe you my life. Without your courage to start this page I would never have been able to see for myself that I deserve something more, or at least something else, and that there is more to life than just being afraid and alone.
Thank you! Hugs, to you both

— Ingrid    Tuesday 27 October 2009, 23:45    #

Oh dear god please continue this story, ive read it all in one sitting, and cried so much, I am really impatient to find out whats next!!!! Love to you both! XXX

— Elanor    Sunday 21 February 2010, 2:06    #

Thank you for your comment – you’re very sweet! We’ll try our best…

iris    Thursday 25 March 2010, 10:22    #

I agree with Elanor! Please finish the story :D If it is at all possible!

— Radical    Tuesday 1 June 2010, 23:28    #

In agreement with what the others have said, although no pressure on you, Iris, as I understand how RL can bight you in the arse, but please do carry on! It really is a fantastic story, you are both truly admirable writers, depicting the characters well. I think Faramir particularly is really well written – so many times when something horrible has happened to him, writers will turn him into a whiny angst-fest. Which is reasonable, but I don’t think hugely IC, it doesn’t show his pride, and inherent nobility, in my opinion anyway. :) so I think that you two write him fantstically, which is what I think I’m trying to say… laughs Basically, good luck with writing! ^^

~Wind

— Wind    Saturday 3 July 2010, 19:36    #

I return to re-read this one in about twice a year, it makes me hurt so good. I’ll just hope to see the end of the story some day.

Thank You Iris and Minx, it is a wonderful fic.

Your truly admirer
Cicely

— Cicely    Monday 5 July 2010, 21:08    #

Radical- We’ll try our best;)

Wind- Thanks! That’s very good to hear! (I sometimes feared Faramir was getting too weepy, so it’s great to hear it doesn’t come over as being over the top)

Cicely- Glad you like it! And, we’ll try, but you know, RL..

And all of you, thanks a lot for your kind, encouraging words! Much appreciated!

iris    Tuesday 20 July 2010, 13:50    #

To be continued…

Oh, I so hope this marvelous story is to be continued. Just love the way a tender Aragorn is trying to help Faramir…

Poor Faramir – to be burdened with so much pain and awfull experience of abuse. Hope, he is going to be able to heal – even if it is going to take a long time.

— Kathurien    Tuesday 31 August 2010, 15:08    #

Is this Story still in progress?
You two read so very good storys about Faramir.
I’m glad to read the continuance

— Josh    Thursday 6 October 2011, 19:03    #

I’ve only just begun reading this story and I find myself weeping for Faramir. You have left me brokenhearted with your skillful wordcraft. I can only hope that Faramir can eventually be healed. In the meantime I shall continue to the next chapter and the next, enjoying your wonderful writing.

— Dancingkatz    Saturday 7 July 2012, 23:13    #

Kathurien, Josh and Dancingkatz — thank you all for your kind words! It’s always great to hear the work is appreciated. And we’ll really, really try to continue. Well, when I say ‘we’… I suppose that from Minx’s steady stream of stories it’s not hard to figure out which one of us is holding up this story… All my bad – sorry, sorry, sorry. I hope to be able to get back to it soon!

Iris    Friday 13 July 2012, 15:38    #

Will you please write more? I have been waiting too long!

Archivist's note: Please remember not to nag authors for updates.(Or at least, not just nag without saying something nice first...) Click the Rules & Help button under the comment form for more details.
— Nova Dawnseeker    Sunday 8 December 2013, 0:36    #

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