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Death Long Suffered (NC-17) Print

Written by Alcardilmë

09 December 2009 | 33441 words

Chapter Eleven – Resolution

Faramir’s eye closed.

“Faramir,” Boromir whispered anxiously. “Faramir.” He waited, stunned when he realized that Faramir slept. His mouth fell open. Then, he blinked twice and smiled. ‘My kiss is not quite as powerful as some have led me to believe.’ He leaned against the bed, sides shaking in mirth. ‘Ah, little brother. You always keep me humble.’

He sat for the rest of the night at his brother’s side, pondering the changes that occurred to make him so… lust-filled in these last hours. ‘Truth be told,’ he thought miserably, ‘if I look into my heart, it has always been his. Would that it had not.’ A ripple of fear ran through him. ‘I have shown my hand; will he ever love me again, as brothers? Will he shrink from my touch? Will I never be able to hold him in a brotherly embrace? I have ruined our lives. Mayhap he will not remember, but think it a part of the nightmare.’ He groaned. He did not want Faramir to think him a nightmare.

Dawn found him pacing the room. ‘I will not speak upon it. He is awake and that is the important thing. I cannot, I will not put further burden upon him, asking for something vile.’ His face burned. He turned and drew in a great breath. Faramir looked beautiful. ‘Beyond beautiful – more like unto a Vala,’ he thought wildly. He backed towards the door, the point furthest from his brother, and slumped to the floor. ‘I must get away ere I do something heinous. And yet, I have promised I would stay with him until he is healed. What have I done?’ He dropped his head and buried his face in his hands.

“B… Bowomiwr?”

He covered his head with his hands and moaned. “Do not speak to me now, Faramir. I… I am ill.”

“Bowomiwr?” The pain and fear in his brother’s voice tore through him, but what else could he do. He stood with his back to Faramir and fled.


“You cannot leave him alone, with only Denethor as company.” Two nights and three days passed without Boromir’s visits and Faramir slept not, nor ate. Siriondil could not help Boromir, did not understand the nature of an illness that showed no outward signs, but knew Faramir needed his brother at his side, more so now than ever. Whatever assailed Boromir did not appear to be contagious. He continued his pleas. “He woke only because of your love, Boromir.”

“Do not say that!” Boromir shouted.

The Master Healer stepped back in surprise. “Boromir. The love between you and Faramir is legend. It is as a beacon to the rest of Gondor. Something for us to strive for. Pure love, offering all with no thought of cost or glory. You gave up your commission for his sake. The Knights of Gondor speak highly of your sacrifice. Do you withdraw that promise?”

“Nay,” Boromir stood, his shoulders hunched. “I will return to his room.”

“He is numb. He turned Ioreth away; would not hear the tale that is so dear to his heart. You… you break him further, Boromir, with your absence.

“I said I would return! Now, leave me be.” He flung the door open, then closed it violently behind him.

The Master Healer sat hard upon his chair. ‘What has happened?’ he wondered. Did Denethor further rile Boromir over his resignation? His hand came up and rubbed furiously at the furrow between his brows. ‘Perhaps I should send for Imrahil? He would discern the nature of Boromir’s unease and help him o’ercome it.’ He walked to his study’s window and watched as Denethor’s son stomped across the courtyard and into the Houses main building. Shaking his head, he called for Ioreth.

Boromir did not look back as he turned into the hall that led to Faramir’s room. His face burned with shame; Boromir knew the healer mistakenly thought it the result of a fever. ‘Pure love,’ he thought grimly. ‘They think I have pure love for Faramir. Mayhap, one time it was such, but now… Oh Valar! It is naught but desire. How can I be alone with him? That is the solution. I will order Mablung or Damrod to be always present. They must guard him lest he hurt himself if another ‘fit’ takes him.’ He breathed a sigh of relief. He stopped, dropped his head into his hands and dug the palms into his eyes to stop the flow of tears that threatened to expose his love. His vile, unnatural love.

“Captain Boromir?”

“Damrod! I was going to send for you. Faramir has been… Faramir needs… I would have a guard in Faramir’s room at all times. I am concerned for his well-being and safety.”

“Has there been an attack upon him?” Damrod asked, incredulity showing in his face.

“Nay. He is not healing as well as Siriondil had hoped. He dreams and hurts himself whilst in the dreams. I think it best if someone is with him at all times.”

“Yes, Captain.” Damrod still looked puzzled. “But you or the Steward or Ioreth or Siriondil are always with him. Why would he need another?”

“He has the strength of a kine when his mind is terrorized. One person alone cannot handle him, keep him from falling, or breaking something. I think it best.”

“Then I will set up a roster of a few men and bring it to you within the hour.”

“No.” Boromir felt his face burning from the shame. “Come with me now. Then… Is Mablung returned from his leave?”

“He is.”

“Good. Have him take the night watch.”

“Yes, Captain. I will send a missive to him and follow you.”

“Write it whilst you are with Faramir. There is no need to stop now.”

“As you wish, Captain.”

Boromir strode into Faramir’s room and Damrod followed.

Faramir looked up in joy at the sound of Boromir’s voice, but his face immediately fell as Damrod walked through the door behind his brother. The lad bit his lip and turned his face away, trying desperately to hide his disappointment. “Damrod. It ith good to thee you again. Did you take thum leave?”

“I did, Lieutenant. The call of the City is too strong and I came back. Mablung has returned also. We are gluttons for punishment.”

Faramir’s smile slightly twisted with the bandages still on his jaw. “Again, it ith good to thee you. Do you need me fow thume thing?”

“I am posting guards, Faramir.” Boromir stood by the door. “I think it wise for your care.”

“Awr not the healewr’th able to cawr fow me?”

“Siriondil is all we need. Besides, your men have missed your companionship,” Boromir attempted a smile and all but failed.

“I bring news of the company, Lieutenant. I thought you might like to hear something of what we have been doing whilst you dally here.”

If Boromir could have hugged the man, he would have. ‘I must make sure he receives that promotion!’

Faramir motioned and Damrod sat at his lieutenant’s side and began to tell of the antics of his men while they were on leave. Every now and again, Faramir would look towards his brother, but Boromir always looked away.


Boromir
Faramir
Denethor
Damrod – Soldier of Gondor
Mablung – Soldier of Gondor
Siriondil – Master Healer of Gondor
Aldrich – Boromir’s aide
Arroch – Boromir’s mare
Hafoc – Mablung’s mare
Ioreth – Healer’s assistant

NB: Please do not distribute (by any means, including email) or repost this story (including translations) without the author's prior permission. [ more ]

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43 Comment(s)

An interesting start to the story. Poor Faramir! I look forward to the next installment.

— Ria    Friday 24 July 2009, 2:40    #

Saw this started on Henneth-Annun, and hoped it would come here as well. A very difficult topic, and you are handling it with great care!

— ebbingnight    Friday 24 July 2009, 23:45    #

Many thaks Ria and ebbingnight for reading. I hope you enjoy this. It is a bitter-sweet little tale. Alcardilme

Alcardilmë    Monday 3 August 2009, 20:57    #

I have not been to this site for quite some time now. I havn’t had time but I have missed it. I found some free time today and I sat down to see if there were any new stories, and I found yours. I once made a promice that I would never again read a WIP that wasn’t finnished. I will never be so foolish ever again, I can’t belive that I almost missed this. Now here I am with my heart in my throat just waiting for a new chapter. I love this story. The way you are jumping between time is so skillful, it’s just perfect. The subject is indeed a hard one but the way you are dealing with it is remarkable.
Thank you for letting us read this story. I am hooked.
Thank you

— Ingrid    Wednesday 5 August 2009, 10:06    #

Many thanks, Ingrid. For your hearts ease, this tale is complete; (I have felt the same way abouts WIPs – which made me vow never to start a tale and not finish it!) I am just putting it up chapter by chapter… trying to put up one every 4-6 days. I hope I sustain your interest and delight! You really help a writer feel good.

Alcardilmë    Wednesday 5 August 2009, 13:26    #

My heart be still!
You really do know how too keep a girl in suspence. I just love it. It’s so perfect and the way that you write sends shivers down my spine, in a most delightful way, I am a lover of a beautiful language and yours… I can’t even find a word to do it justice.
How i wished that I could write like you but sadly that is a talant I am denied. Lucky for me I can always come here and read it over and over again and it will always be here.
Thank you again

— Ingrid    Sunday 9 August 2009, 21:00    #

blushes Thank you very much. Even after all these years of writing, it still tickles my heart to be so kindly applauded. Again, 10,000 thanks!

— Alcardilmë    Monday 10 August 2009, 0:24    #

Yes!! One more chapter.
I am so glad that Faramir is awake but I fear for him as he in time comes will remeber or find out what has happened to him, how will he cope with that? What a sweet song Boromir sang to him, you have really captured the love between them in a beautiful way. I hope that Boromir can help his ‘little one’. Boromir reminds me so much about my own big brother, so I can’t help but love him.
I am thankfull that Denethor is not a brutal monster but that he actually care about both his sons. It is sad though, that it would have to come to such a terrible thing like this for Denethor to show some love and concern for his youngest.
Can hardly wait for the following chapters.
Hugs

— Ingrid    Friday 14 August 2009, 21:51    #

Thank you so much! The way that Tolkien describes B & F’s love for each other in the Appendix is so beautiful and poignant – especially considering what happens in their lives. (the song is one I made up and sang to my own children; they now sing it to theirs!)

As for Denethor – it would be rare indeed for me to ever ‘abuse’ the man. I thought he was a tragic hero in LotR.

Bless you for your kind words and your enthusiasm. MOST appreciated!

Alcardilmë    Saturday 15 August 2009, 3:43    #

(Whispers between tears) Thank you so much.
Lovely and beautiful is not enough for such a story.

— Ingrid    Wednesday 19 August 2009, 12:07    #

Ah, Ingrid – offers a clean hanky – sorry for the tears, but I’m glad they were ‘happy’ tears… or perhaps contented tears. Bless you!

Alcardilmë    Thursday 20 August 2009, 2:40    #

You are so talented. The way you write, it feels like I am almost there, like I am a spirit standing beside and can do nothing but witness the horrors.
You are a genious, a creator, a wounder.
I wish that my first language was english so that I could realy tell you what my heart speaks

— Ingrid    Saturday 29 August 2009, 10:19    #

Your heart speaks through your words and mine is forever toched.

Bless you for the very kind review. I am grateful beyond words!

Alcardilmë    Sunday 30 August 2009, 21:02    #

I feel blessed for being able and allowed to read this. The story is so wonderful, I will never be able to thank you or praise you enough. Everything just gets better and better. Poor Boromir, trying so hard to do what he think is best for Faramir, and poor Faramir who can’t understand why his beloved brother has changed so much. I have said it before and I say it again, I wished that I had your talent for writing.

—    Wednesday 9 September 2009, 14:28    #

I cannot thank you enough for this review. I just got totally, soundly, and horrendously rejected for my tale, Betrayed, at Henneth Annun.

So the timeliness of your kind words are as a soothing balm upon my dispirited and distraught soul.

Thank you – ten thousand times!!!!

Alcardilmë    Wednesday 9 September 2009, 23:01    #

I apologize that this is the first time I have left a note on this. Quite frankly early on when I saw what happened to our poor Faramir, I wasn’t sure my heart could take it and I had decided not to submerge myself. That being said, I have to tell you that I just couldnt help myself. This tale is just so wonderfully woven that I just cant let it go. I keep coming back again and again hoping our Faramir will be whole again. I have a great visual in my head of the happenings here and it keeps calling me back. Thank you for this. Based on what I see here I find it difficult to see anyone rejecting your material. Is this story on this site somewhere? Can we read it?

— Kelly    Wednesday 9 September 2009, 23:52    #

Like Kelly, I was rather wary of getting involved with the characters in this tale. I first saw it on HASA. The rape and torture of dear Faramir are quite difficult for me to endure. (I must admit to reading those parts quite quickly, with one eye closed!) The rest of the story, however, is so skillfully told and the love between the brothers is so achingly beautiful that it touches my heart.

— trixie    Thursday 10 September 2009, 0:55    #

Thanks so much, Kelly, for your review. It is beautiful. This came out of a nightmare I had; I could not sleep afterwards until I had written it down. Then, the Muse just continued – bless her! It turned into a bitter-sweet little thing that breaks my heart.

Very glad you pushed through that first chapter. It is difficult.

My other tale is posted here http://www.faramirfiction.com/Fiction/betrayed

Blessings,
Alcardilme

Alcardilmë    Thursday 10 September 2009, 10:50    #

Ah, trixie, I wrote that first chapter with my eyes closed. I hated the things that happened to Faramir. He will heal, with the help of Boromir, but Boromir never will. Life can be like that sometimes.

I love your phrase ‘achingly beautiful’ – it well describes what is in my heart about their relationship.

Bless you for your kind words. They are most appreciated!

Alcardilmë    Thursday 10 September 2009, 10:56    #

I checked out Betrayed. I thought it sounded familiar. I did read it when it was posted. I liked it very much. This story also made my stomach hurt in the beginning but I couldn’t keep from reading on. I guess there is always someone that is not going to like everything. You write beautifully and the rest of us enjoy your work very much.

— Kelly    Thursday 10 September 2009, 14:36    #

Many thanks, Kelly. Even though I have written for quite some years, this year has been a difficult one. I am glad the Muse has not abandoned me, and very glad I found this site. Very decent people here. Bless you!

Alcardilmë    Friday 11 September 2009, 9:47    #

This story has everything. Love, hate, terror and even happiness.
My heart aches for the trauma Faramir is going through and for Boromir who can’t, or rather won’t, give voice to what is troubling his heart.
The way you build up the chapters and when they end one can’t seem to stop think of what will happen next, that is a heard thing to accomplish, but you have mastered that.
I am forever grateful that you had the courage to write this story.
When my returning nightmares hunts me and I am to afraid to face them, I turn to this story and I can for a short time forget my own fears.
Thank you forever and ever.

— Ingrid    Sunday 20 September 2009, 10:22    #

Many thanks for your kind words! I am so grateful this story strikes a chord. After finally realizing what the Muse wanted from the nightmare, I could only succumb and write it.

Again Many Thanks!

Alcardilmë    Wednesday 23 September 2009, 20:53    #

Our poor, gentle and sweet Faramir.
He have so much to deal with. I hope that by telling what he has been forced to endure he will come to understand that love can be something nice. I also hope that he will finally be able to sleep through a night without terrors.
Even though it brakes his heart I am sure that Boromir never will leave him or blame him for what has happened.

— Ingrid    Friday 9 October 2009, 23:01    #

That chapter was incredibly difficult to read. I can only imagine what it must have been like to write. And I do not even want to imagine what it must have been like for Boromir to hear.

— trixie    Friday 9 October 2009, 23:47    #

Ah, Ingrid – though this is AU, Boromir will leave for Rivendell… it is written in the stars.
And Boromir’s love for Faramir is quite extraordinary. But so is Faramir, is he not!

Alcardilmë    Sunday 11 October 2009, 5:27    #

Many thanks for the support on this, Trixie. It was written because of a nightmare – and this is chapter is what I saw. Nasty – to say the least!
As for Boromir – how could a brother stand to hear, let alone bear, such things? Especially one who loves his little brother with his very being?

Alcardilmë    Sunday 11 October 2009, 5:31    #

I truly admire your courage in seeing this through to the end: I suspect that many writers would soften the story somehow. But most nightmares, by definition, don’t have happy endings, do they?

— ebbingnight    Wednesday 14 October 2009, 15:42    #

This nightmare was even worse. I did tone it down a bit, except for Chapter 15. I have no idea why I dreamt of Faramir and in such dire circumstances!

Many thanks for your review and your kind words.

Alcardilmë    Sunday 18 October 2009, 5:21    #

This tale is so harrowing that at times I need to turn away. Yet it is so gripping that I cannot. I almost feel obligated to Faramir, Boromir, and you to hear this out.

— trixie    Tuesday 10 November 2009, 22:43    #

Many thanks, trixie, for not running from this tale. The brothers love for each other compells me to continue to write this.

Your comments are most appreciated. Faramir and Boromir thank you too.

Alcardilmë    Friday 13 November 2009, 5:03    #

So sweet and wonderful. I love this story so much. Thank you for sharing it with the rest of us

— Ingrid    Friday 13 November 2009, 7:43    #

I think we all needed a wee bit of a break – a smile or some such. VERY thankful for your kind comments and for your continued support.

Alcardilmë    Monday 16 November 2009, 4:32    #

Of Course you have my support. I could never leave this story nor quitting comment it. You have taken this story to a whole new level. In the beginning I feared reading, like I knew what might happen. I think I have an idea now as well… but now I am anticipating :) It is a remarkable story and you are a fantastic writer

— Ingrid    Wednesday 18 November 2009, 11:48    #

Ingrid – thanks again for your comments. Always heartening to me.

I am afraid I might disappoint you – this tale is near its ending – it doesn’t end the way I thought it would. :(

Alcardilmë    Tuesday 24 November 2009, 19:51    #

Chapter 20 made me smile and even chuckle. Any joy they can experience is precious. But, oh, this latest chapter. . . Poor Boromir, willing to give anything of himself to help his brother.And poor, poor Faramir, realizing now what he has asked of his brother.
Caterwauling is perfect :)

— trixie    Wednesday 25 November 2009, 19:00    #

This was a heartbreaking chap. Poor Boromir and Faramir. I fought not to let tears appear, but I failed miserable.

Thank you so much Hugs

— Ingrid    Monday 30 November 2009, 12:48    #

Hi, Trixie, thanks for the kind words. When one loves deeply, one will do anything… and one will be asked sometimes beyond one’s capacity… the brothers are definitely tragic characters… even in Tolkien’s books.

Alcardilmë    Tuesday 1 December 2009, 21:00    #

Ah, Ingrid… this was difficult, wasn’t it? But Faramir is now ready to continue living, though the price Boromir paid for his brother’s healing is immeasurable… Thanks for your support!

Alcardilmë    Tuesday 1 December 2009, 21:03    #

This story was wonderful. What a strange feeling now that the story has ended. Poor Boromir. I loved how you got the title of the story into the story itself. You are a true artist in your work.
Alcardilmë, I salute you.
*Kneels in front of you, with my head bowed*

— Fëawen    Thursday 10 December 2009, 7:54    #

It’s a very strange feeling being done with this – as this, I think, is one of my favorites. Many thanks for your kind words. I kneel in thanks!

Alcardilmë    Wednesday 16 December 2009, 4:53    #

The brothers have never failed to touch me. Even during a time in my life when I felt numb to everything. their tale was able to cut through the fog and move me.

The description of this tale is one that at one time I never would have opened, especially with the word ‘incest’. But I am so glad I did! It was beautiful and wrenching and captured the depth of the selfless love and devotion between the two so beautifully. Thank you!

— trixie    Friday 18 December 2009, 5:57    #

Trixie – my deepest thanks. The brothers and their love is beyond endurance – whether it be slash or not. I loved Tolkien’s appendix note about their love. Self-less and deep as the sea. Bless you for commenting!

Alcardilmë    Sunday 20 December 2009, 4:42    #

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