Faramir Fiction Archive

Because of You (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

24 December 2008 | 98532 words

Chapter 23

Five almost six years passed by quickly it seemed and Faramir and Haldir’s marriage and their bond was stronger even now than it was the night they sealed it. They were both still living in the citadel, Faramir still serving as steward and Haldir had settled into a role of a military advisor for the king and council. Faramir had grown stronger; though his shoulder would never completely heal he was able to train again and did accompany his husband on patrols now and again.

Aragorn had at first put the two of them on the same councils but then changed that plan when he discovered the couple had a hard time concentrating when they were in the same meetings. Plus when the two of them did argue a point, the rest of the council may as well not be there at all… it was amusing at times the way they argued with one another, the love clearly there between them but they were both stubborn and just one per council was all Aragorn could handle.

Today though, Aragorn had witnessed something he had never witnessed before in council chambers. Part of him was highly amused by it while at the same time extremely irritated. He looked at the Elf walking beside him and shook his head again as they approached the stewards office chamber. The king didn’t knock, merely pushed open the door. “Faramir… your husband is…” he sighed and shook his head again, “impossible sometimes.”

Faramir looked up from the parchment he was working on, a smile on his lips as soon as he saw Haldir but then faded quickly as he saw the look on his king’s face. “Impossible?”

Haldir’s eyes lit up at the sight of his lover, but a moment later, he turned and scowled at Aragorn, never quite having gotten the hang of showing the proper deference to the king despite his grudging respect for the man. “I am not impossible,” he snapped, stomping across the room to stand in front of the fireplace, arms across his chest and his face hard and unreadable. “I was right, Inranol was wrong, disrespectful, foul-mouthed, and generally irritating throughout the entire meeting. His last comment went too far, and I simply handled the situation to the best of my abilities.”

Faramir stood up with a worried look on his face. “What happened?” he asked not exactly sure he wanted the answer to that question. Haldir looked irritated and Aragorn looked frustrated. Inranol was an irritating man though, often arguing just to hear his own voice Faramir often thought. “Inranol is all of those things most of the time… but what happened?”

Aragorn frowned. “Your husband drew his bow and notched an arrow directly at Inranol’s head in the middle of the council meeting,” the king answered though a part of him was slightly amused by it, that sort of thing could not happen in meetings or things would deteriorate quickly.

Faramir had to force a grin from his face at that answer. Oh he himself had wished for a weapon in council meetings before. “You… you drew your bow on him?” His eyes twinkled with amusement, knowing his husband would see it but couldn’t help himself. I wish I had been there to see it!

Haldir did his best to hide a smile of his own as their gazes met. His eyes were as wide as teacups and one would not have to possess Elven senses to know that he had to return to his rooms at once to change his breeches! They spoke through their connection, neither Man nor Elf letting Aragorn see their amusement. He honestly didn’t see what all the fuss was about. Inranol had quieted down immediately, excused himself, and the rest of the meeting had been quite pleasant. Several of the other council members had even smiled at Haldir and nodded their thanks, so, in the Elf’s mind, all had worked out quite well. “Do you think the dagger in my boot would have been a better choice?” he asked his husband in all seriousness. “Or the comb you put in my hair this morning has an exceptionally sharp point, if you remember…”

Faramir was unable to keep his amusement from surfacing as Haldir spoke, his laughter bubbling out before he could help himself. He quickly clamped his hand over his mouth but it was too late. Aragorn was now glaring at him as if he had been the one in the council chambers.

“Faramir, you cannot condone this…” Aragorn said trying his best not to laugh himself now that Faramir was.

Trying to sober, Faramir shook his head. “I do not condone it… of course not, and Haldir would never really harm an unarmed man… you know that, Aragorn,” Faramir said walking over and standing with his husband. “Besides… we both did warn you long ago about Inranol and Haldir being on the same council.”

The Elf’s arm slid easily around Faramir’s waist as he stood beside him. Though still a bit awkward at speaking of his emotions and still quite off-putting to everyone but his husband, he had, over the years, grown far more comfortable with touching him. Now he didn’t even have to remind himself…it simply came naturally, this desire to rest his hand or arms across his shoulders, to pull him closer and wrap both arms around him, or even kiss him for all of Arda to see. His gaze, however, was still on Aragorn as he nodded. “I have told you time and time again, Aragorn, that one day Inranol would push me too far. This cannot come as a surprise to you. Besides, even you were about to order him to stop arguing…I saw it in your eyes. I simply…sped things along a bit. You should be thanking me, not complaining.”

Faramir leaned closer to Haldir, resting against his husband as an arm was wrapped around him. He raised an eyebrow as Aragorn looked at them. “I can assure you if I’d had a weapon in that meeting with Inranol last week I might have used it myself to… uh… drive my point home,” he grinned a little and saw Aragorn’s lips twitch as he tried not to grin in return.

“I know he is… difficult but he does have his worth with the merchants,” Aragorn admitted. “Next time you return from a patrol Haldir, do not come straight to a council meeting or at least leave your weapons outside the room… so that the temptation to use them does not get the best of you. Trust me I know the man pushes too far, he has pushed me almost too far on many occasions… but it would be better if you dealt with him a bit more… diplomatically in the future. I will not lie and say that I was not amused by it… he fully deserved it but… do not do it again.”

The kings ‘reprimand’ was extremely light and Faramir smiled. “I’ll be glad to divest him of his weapons before he arrives in council chambers in the future,” Faramir said with a note of humor in his voice.

Aragorn almost rolled his eyes and laughed. “I am quite sure you would be… and so would he,” he laughed as he left the room.

Haldir laughed as soon as the door closed behind Aragorn and leaned down to kiss the side of his husband’s neck. “You may divest me of my weapons and my clothes and my boots and whatever else you like… and not only before council meetings either,” he murmured, biting gently at smooth, warm skin he’d marked only the night before. “And I would be more than happy to return the favor any time you see fit.”

Faramir was laughing as well as he turned in his husband’s embrace and smiled up at him. “I look forward to it,” he grinned. “So, is it safe to assume you have no more meetings or patrols today?”

“It is safe to assume as much,” Haldir agreed, running his hands over Faramir’s back and shoulders as he spoke. “I have the afternoon free due to either good, or bad behavior, depending on how one looks at it. Do you think you might sneak off a bit early yourself? I noticed it started snowing earlier, and thought we might have an early dinner and curl up by the fireplace to watch the snow fall.”

Faramir smiled as his fingers ran through Haldir’s hair. “Mmm, I think that I can stop for today… and that sounds like a wonderful idea,” he said softly. Haldir never thought himself to be very romantic at all but ideas like that were certainly romantic to Faramir. Just spending time alone together like that watching snow fall or rain or the sun or moon move across the sky as they sat together and talked or simply held one another. It was times like those that made Faramir feel cherished by his husband. “Come on, love,” he said pressing his lips to Haldir’s gently before moving away to go back to their rooms.

Haldir stopped outside their chamber doors, flagging down a passing servant girl to ask that their dinners be brought to their rooms as soon as possible. He motioned for Faramir to go on ahead of him, and handed him a small journal from his cloak. “I will be right there,” he said, giving his husband’s hand a small squeeze. “Would you please put this in the nightstand on my side of the bed? I had some ideas to bring up at the next council meeting, but wanted to get your opinion first, so I simply jotted down a few notes.” As Faramir took the journal and nodded, Haldir turned back to the servant, being civil, just as Faramir had taught him, and even managed to chat with the girl for a few moments longer… again, just as Faramir had taught him.

Taking the journal, Faramir smiled as Haldir spoke to the servant girl about their meal for the evening. Haldir had learned over time to ask rather than to demand things from the servants and found that they often would do more than what he’d asked of them when he took the time to ask and even chat with them a little. The girl was one of the cook’s daughters and Haldir had seemed to in his own way the last several years take a liking to the cook, Faramir smiled as he entered the room hearing Haldir ask the girl about her mother and how he smoothly seemed to segue into asking about their dessert.

Making his way into the bedroom, Faramir sat the journal on the night table but accidentally caught his sleeve on the lamp there almost sending it to the floor. He caught it easily but spilled a bit of oil in the process. Opening the drawer of the nightstand he rummaged for something to clean his mess with. He removed a few things from the drawer and a small glass bottle caught his attention. It was a dark color amber glass the kind he only saw in the houses of healing. Curious he looked at the bottle, turning it in his hands and wondering what it was. Elves rarely became ill so why would Haldir have medicine? He set the bottle on the nightstand and found a handkerchief which he cleaned the oil up with just as Haldir walked into the room. “Your husband is extremely clumsy, I almost broke the lamp,” he explained with his back to Haldir.

Feeling rather pleased with himself that he’d managed to get not one, but two of Faramir’s favorite desserts, Haldir admitted to himself once again that this ‘chatting’ ploy had its advantages. As he walked into the room and saw Faramir wiping at the table, he immediately took his husabnd’s hands in his own and examined them closely. “You did not get hurt did you?” he asked with concern that melted into relief when he saw no cuts or bleeding. “That lamp has always been a bit too short for this nightstand anyway.”

Touched when Haldir took his hands to check them for cuts, Faramir shook his head and smiled. “No, not hurt at all… and it was entirely my own fault. I am just clumsy,” he said smiling. “I… ah, well I had to find something to clean the oil up with and… I found something and was curious because… well… are you alright?” he asked looking down at the apothecary bottle.

Haldir kissed each of his lover’s hands and looked down at the bottle that he’d kept in the back of his nightstand drawer for years. He hadn’t tried to keep it a secret, but he suddenly realized that he and Faramir had never discussed him purchasing the rather potent mixture contained within it. It was always there if and when he needed it, but he had made a firm effort to resist thinking about it over time. “I am fine,” he said, releasing Faramir’s hands and setting the lamp back in its place. “I got the bottle from Dornath just after we bonded. It is only a mixture of panthenina leaves and solanum. Be sure to never, ever touch it, guren. It is poisonous.”

Faramir gasped when Haldir said what the bottle contained. “What? Gods, Haldir why? That combination is deadly… even a small amount can kill a man in moments,” Faramir asked in utter confusion. Why would Haldir have purchased it after their bonding and why keep it here in their bedroom?

The explanation was perfectly clear to Haldir, though it didn’t seem to have dawned on Faramir just yet. The Elf shook his head and took his husband’s hands again, squeezing them gently as their gazes met. “Guren, we have many, many more decades together before us, but you do not truly expect me to continue my life after your passing do you? I have always planned on dying by your side, going to the Halls of Mandos, and doing whatever I can to convince Námo to let me stay with you, where your faer may be directed to. I thought…I thought you knew that.”

Faramir stared at Haldir for a moment, completely stunned. He thought of when they first met and how determined Haldir was then to find his death on a battlefield and now he had chosen to end his life when Faramir’s did. His heart seemed to constrict in his chest and he simply looked at his husband for a long moment. “You never told me… I just… I just assumed you would live on. I never gave it any thought before. I… Gods, I never even thought about how you would live on after my death. Or thought of how hard it would be for me if I were in your place. I think I would do the same,” he admitted after a moment. It wasn’t something one thought heavily on at his age. Yes, he had almost died the night he met Haldir but their lives were much safer now. Haldir had only ever stayed for him, all the other Elves had sailed except a few who had chosen to remain for their own reasons. Faramir should have expected this, should have known that Haldir would make the choice to die by his side rather than live on. He had been clear when they first met that the world held nothing for him anymore until they fell in love.

Haldir leaned down and pressed his lips softly against Faramir’s, releasing his hands to wrap both arms around him in a tender embrace. “You are my reason for living, Faramir,” he said simply,” without you, my life has no meaning. I suppose I should have asked you first, but I thought… I thought you would know that there is no place for me anywhere without you. I am sorry I never told you before. I just assumed you knew.”

Faramir felt tears touch his eyes as Haldir wrapped his arms around him. “Oh love, do not be sorry. Besides I cannot see how it would be an easy conversation to start… and… you are right I should have known that you would choose this path. I am not upset… I am… touched and glad that I am the reason you stayed. I am so proud to be your husband, Haldir… and I promise that wherever my spirit goes when my life is over I will look for you because I know that I will not be able to endure eternity without you,” he whispered against his lover’s neck. It was true, even in death he could not imagine being parted from Haldir. His husband was right in this choice and it was likely that the bond they shared, according to everything Faramir had read of them would ensure that Haldir would follow him in death though… his ever practical minded husband wanted to be certain.

Nuzzling against Faramir’s neck, Haldir smiled and held him even closer. “You had no idea that when we bonded ‘forever’ that I truly mean forever did you?” he teased. “Besides, if the strength of our bond alone does not convince Námo, then I think that after a few hours with me around, he would do anything to get me out of his halls, so I think we have nothing to worry about. You said yourself, I can be… offputting when I wish to be…”

Faramir laughed even through his tears and squeezed Haldir even closer still. “Aye, love, I think you could convince them… and you have called me stubborn more than once… you do not think I would not seek you out do you? You my dearest would be sadly mistaken if you think that,” he whispered as he drew back to look up at the Elf he loved. “After all of these years I think the reason that I lived that night was because of you… whenever you would leave I would grow worse the healers said… but when you were near I was better. None could believe how I healed the way I had and I think… I think it was our bond even then. The Valar would not part two souls that they set on this path I think.”

Haldir wiped his lover’s tears away gently, then kissed the trail they left behind. “Gods, how could I have been so blind? All the signs of a deep bond were there from the beginning, but I was too foolish to see them. I was attracted to you, but at the same time, so very angry that you were delaying my plans for a glorious death. I will never forgive myself for being so short with you, or so full of myself. And I will never, ever forget that first kiss, when we both thought you were dying. I sometimes wonder now if that was when our bond found its roots and the Valar’s beautiful little plan for one Man and one Elf to have this life – this happiness that so many others only dream of.”

Faramir found himself smiling; it wasn’t often that Haldir spoke of being happy with him. He could sense it of course, Haldir smiled more easily now and certainly laughed with him often but he had never really asked if Haldir was truly happy. Now, he didn’t need to ask. “I wish that everyone would know the happiness we have,” he whispered softly. “I remember that night when I asked you to kiss me thinking that I had no idea where the idea to ask you that came from. Why did you… kiss me that night? I mean… it certainly was not a normal request… what made you say yes?”

Brushing back the hair from Faramir’s forehead, Haldir smiled and met his lover’s gaze with sparkling eyes. “I thought you were dying and that Arda would be a poorer place for having lost such a brave warrior,” he said softly. “I could deny you nothing even then, but now I suspect it had more to do with our faers already reaching out to one another.” His thumb trailed slowly over Faramir’s lips as he remembered the kiss. “I thought kissing a man – a dirty one at that – would be intolerable, but it turned out to be the sweetest kiss I had ever known in my life.”

Faramir laughed softly as he looked up into sparkling blue eyes. “It had to be the Valar at work because knowing you as I do I do not think you would take pity on any Man,” he teased. “But I am glad you did and kissing you then was just as wonderful as kissing you all these years later,” he whispered as he leaned forward and swept his lips gently against Haldir’s. “And just as wonderful as it will be many decades from now.”

Haldir laughed softly and parted his lips, letting his tongue move forward to lick at his husband’s. “And you still taste as sweet as honey, just as I am sure you will a hundred years from now” he whispered, continuing his kisses along Faramir’s jaw and down his neck. “I used to tell you that you were a lucky, lucky man, guren, and I meant that at the time, in all my arrogance. What I never did manage to put into words was that deep down, I always knew that I was the lucky one… the luckiest creature on all of Arda, to have won your heart.”

Faramir found himself smiling as his arms looped around Haldir’s neck and he tilted his head back to give his lover more access. He closed his eyes for a moment as Haldir’s words made his heart skip. “We are both lucky,” he whispered as his lips caught Haldir’s again. “We are both very lucky,” he repeated the words as he maneuvered his husband backwards toward the bed and sank down into his lap as Haldir sat down.

Slowly, long Elven fingers moved beneath Faramir’s tunic and caressed his back. “You know, my lucky Ranger, we came up here to watch the snow fall, but I can think of a more enjoyable activity at the moment, if you would not mind postponing our plans for a while. I think I would like a taste of my husband as a little… predinner appetizer, if he would be willing…”

“Maybe the snow will wait for us,” Faramir whispered softly as his hands moved to take the combs from his husband’s hair and set them aside as his fingers began to loosen the perfect warriors braids. “And your husband is ever and always willing, love,” he whispered as his lips found Haldir’s again and they sank down onto the bed together. The snow continued to fall outside their window far into the next day.

The End.

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