Faramir Fiction Archive

Love is... (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

19 November 2009 | 145965 words

Chapter 13

Faramir couldn’t say how long he had sat and wept in the grass but when he finally managed to wipe his eyes and try to stand, his legs were asleep and he ended up just laying down and waiting for feeling to come back to his legs. The garden looked different from this angle, so he spent his time just gazing at everything he could see, everything that Rahl had done for him just hours ago and now he had ruined everything. I never meant to hurt you.

He fell asleep, exhausted from his tears and it was very late in the afternoon when he awoke. No lunch had been delivered, so apparently Rahl did not stop to eat today or that was part of his punishment. He stayed on the ground and wondered if he should try to go back to Rahl’s bedchamber of if he should remain where he was? Before he could try to work out what was best he heard footsteps on the stairs. They sounded odd though. Certainly not Rahl’s determined step and not one of the guards whose heavy armor caused their steps to be somewhat loud on the castle floors.

A tall slender girl with long, dark hair stepped into the garden, looking around her in awe. She’d been to this garden before many times to tend to the herbs her mother had planted there years before but never had she seen it like this. There was color all around her and the smell of fresh flowers, and it was, without a doubt, the most beautiful place she’d ever seen. She almost forgot her purpose in coming here – which would have been a tragedy, since she would never have even made it back to the kitchen had she tried to return without fetching the master’s slave. “Oh, there you are…” Her smile was shy though friendly and she wondered why the man was laying on the ground. “You should go inside. Lord Rahl will be served his dinner shortly and he sent word that you should join him at once.”

Faramir was somewhat surprised to see a young girl come into the garden. He had only seen guards and only a few servants in his time there. When the girl actually spoke to him Faramir’s mouth almost dropped open. She was the first to ever do so in this place. “Oh..thank you,” he said sitting up and then standing a bit stiffly after being on the ground so long. “Lord Rahl said I should be able to find my way back but… I don’t wish to get lost, will you be coming with me?” he asked the girl who had already wandered over to one of the rose bushes.

Wishing with all her heart she had the nerve to pick the deep red rose before her, the girl shook her head. “Only as far as the kitchens. I was sent to find you, so that’s all the castle will let me do, but since we’re both walking the same way, we can go that far together.” Her natural curiosity began to get the better of her and tilted her head to one side. “Why were you laying on the ground? Are you being punished? Or did Lord Rahl throw you out a window?”

Faramir laughed at the girl’s curiosity and shook his head. “Neither, I think. Well, I am not entirely sure about the punished part…” Faramir trailed off and sighed. “But definitely was not thrown out a window. I’ve been here all day so I laid down and fell asleep,” he explained, though he left out the part that he’d exhausted himself with tears. Though if things continue going this badly jumping out a window might not be a bad idea. He gestured for the girl to walk with him and they began making their way to the doorway and back up the staircase. “Did… Lord Rahl seem to be in a particularly bad mood?” he asked wondering what he had to look forward to tonight. Or rather, NOT look forward to.

“Well, he normally offers me a smile when he thinks no one is looking,” the girl said thoughtfully, “though he would never admit it. Today, though, he barely said anything to me… just told me to go to the garden and find his slave. When I offered him one of the pastries my mother had just made, he didn’t even hear me, but he’s like that sometimes, so, I don’t know… he didn’t seem like himself, but you can never tell with him. Once, when I was little, I got really sick – something was wrong inside my head and it hurt so badly I couldn’t move, but he fixed me and… Gods, that was supposed to be our secret, his and mine, not mine and yours, because he told me I couldn’t ever tell anyone, but I forget sometimes and…” She stopped, drew in a breath and put a hand over her mouth. “My mother says I talk too much. I think she might be right. Oh, I’m Corrine, by the way and you’re Faramir, Lord Rahl’s latest slave. Do you think he’ll keep you for a while? You seem nice, even if you don’t say much.”

Faramir blinked at the rapid-fire chatter from the girl and wondered if she’d even stopped to take a breath between some sentences before plowing on. He found himself grinning a bit, especially when she said Rahl sometimes smiled at her. He could easily see that the young girl would charm even Rahl. He looked at her when she finally drew a breath and smiled. “It’s all right, I won’t tell anyone… and I think Lord Rahl would disagree about my not talking much. You could say the reason I was in the garden all day by myself had a lot to do with my saying too much,” Faramir explained. “It is nice to meet you Corrine. You are the first in the castle besides Lord Rahl to speak with me, it is nice to hear someone so… cheerful. You know… between you and me, the garden back there… I saw you looking at that rose. I don’t think it would hurt anything if you took one… perhaps for your mother. I used to take mine flowers when I was young,” Faramir said as they topped the stairs and turned into a long hallway.

Corrine’s eyes sparkled at the idea and she nodded eagerly. “Really? I think I might just do that next time I go back to the garden. I go there a lot to get herbs for the kitchen – I work in the kitchen though once, I got to work in the hallway outside of the kitchen and I saw Lord Rahl with two of his pleasure slaves trailing behind him and I wondered why he might need two and I started to ask him, but my mother came out then and wouldn’t let me and I never got to work in the hall again. That was when I was very little though. Now I know why he might want two. I turned fourteen 3 weeks ago, and I’ve learned an awful lot since then, mainly because the other girls tell me, but they’re all scared of Lord Rahl even when I told them he fixed me that one time, but then I remembered I wasn’t supposed to tell but they promised to keep quiet about it. Oh… where was I? Yes, the rose, I think I’ll pick one for her next time, and maybe if Lord Rahl is in a bad mood, you can pick one for him too? It might make him less grumpy.”

Faramir laughed softly as Corrine chattered on and found himself at least feeling somewhat better than before. When she mentioned two pleasure slaves his face went red with embarrassment and he looked down. “Yes, well… even at fourteen I imagine there are some things your mother wouldn’t like you knowing about,” Faramir warned a little. She was such a precocious girl that he wondered how it was that her mother kept her in line at all at times. Rahl’s temper was quite hard to predict and he hoped she held her tongue better with him. When she said that a rose might make Rahl less grumpy Faramir laughed again and shook his head. “Maybe a whole bouquet would work wonders then,” he said smiling at the girl.

Corrine nodded and smiled up at Faramir. “I bet you could get a whole bouquet from that garden too,” she said, clearly in awe. They reached the kitchen and she stopped just outside its doors. “I’ve never seen it so beautiful. There were so many pretty flowers and trees and… oh, no ! You don’t think someone is trying to trick Lord Rahl do you? Like… that horrible old wizard who hates him so much? Maybe he bewitched the garden so Lord Rahl would come out and he was lying in wait to kill him! Don’t you think you should warn him? He’s grumpy but that doesn’t mean he should be killed like his father was.”

Faramir shook his head quickly. “Oh no… no it is nothing like that at all. Please, don’t worry. Lord Rahl did that himself this morning… I…” Faramir’s throat tightened at the memory. “I said I missed the gardens of my homeland and so he… he did that for me to not be so homesick,” Faramir said though his voice was a bit strained. “Please, keep it as a secret though, I doubt he wants anyone else to know he did that.” Faramir thought for a moment that he’d just made a huge mistake; obviously this girl could NOT keep a secret to save her life. Oh well, what was one more mistake on his part?

“Oh.” Corrine nodded understandingly, but still looked a bit confused. “You want to go home? You don’t like Lord Rahl either then? Even after he made you that pretty garden? He’s never made anyone else a garden before.”

“No, I mean yes, I do like Lord Rahl and no I do not wish to go home I just wished to go out in the sunlight again. I’ve been here for over a month and only ever been to Lord Rahl’s study and bedchamber and once to the laundry to get clothing when I first arrived. I come from a place that is very beautiful and I was accustomed to being outdoors a great deal… so I missed it. But I actually like Lord Rahl… probably more than I should given my position,” Faramir said, trying to explain himself.

“I like him too,” Corrine whispered. “Not many people in the castle do, because they think he’s mean, but someone so awful wouldn’t have made my head better or made you an enchanted garden with sunlight and roses, would he?”

“He is misunderstood I think but not mean, not really. He has a temper that gets out of hand sometimes I think but… I think deep down that Lord Rahl is a good man despite all his words of being a dark wizard,” Faramir said softly. “I wish he would see that there are people like you and I who do like him and for my part… care for him a great deal.” The last words Faramir mostly said to himself but he was sure that Corrine had heard him the way her eyes widened.

Corrine abruptly threw her arms around Faramir in a quick hug. “I think that’s good. He needs someone to care for him,” she said softly before pulling away “He’s been alone for a very long time and the people that were supposed to love him either died or hurt him. My mother says his father used to whip him when he didn’t do a spell right. She said she remembered him when he was very little practicing for days without sleep to get them right, but Lord Panis always managed to find something wrong with it. She also said that … uh oh, speaking of my mother, I hear her coming. I’ve got to go.” With that, before Faramir could even respond, Corrine had turned toward the kitchen and was waving. “You should go too, or he might get grumpier and then everyone would be mad.”

Faramir was so shocked that the girl hugged him, that he barely had a chance to pat her on the head before she pulled away. Her words about Rahl’s past made more and more things make sense to him. Rahl’s need for perfection and his need to control the outcome of things made much more sense now. Plus his love/hate relationship with his father was much like his own had been. He swallowed hard at the thoughts and forced himself to smile at Corrine. “I’m on my way… and thank you Corrine. I enjoyed our chat as we walked,” he said smiling and then turned to head in the direction he remembered Lord Rahl’s chambers to be. He was a bit more relaxed now but had no idea what Rahl’s mood might be.

Despite his intentions, Rahl had accomplished very little work after he’d left Faramir alone in the garden. He couldn’t seem to stop his mind from replaying their last words to one another and bounced back and forth between believing Faramir had truly not known what he was saying, to feeling sure the man was a spy or dark wizard in his own right.

One moment he would find himself getting ready to utter the words that would send Faramir back to his own world, but the next, he would feel sick at the thought of never seeing his slave again, never knowing the exquisite warmth of his body and the way it responded so beautifully to every touch.

After hours of debate, he had come to no real conclusion but had to admit he missed being able to look up and see Faramir in the same room. Finally giving in to what his heart instead of his head desired, he’d sent for Faramir to be brought up to his rooms. As he waited he paced, hands worrying scars he could feel through his clothes as well as the ones that no longer could be seen.

When Faramir arrived at the door to Rahl’s bedchamber, he stopped and stared at the door for a moment even as Bergan stood silently beside it not looking at him but fully aware of the slave’s presence. He’d never actually approached a door in the castle before, did he knock? He lifted his hand to do just that when suddenly he heard the locks unclick and the door swung open on its own. Ah. Rahl was apparently back in the chamber now. He entered silently, keeping his head somewhat bowed, not sure what to expect and wishing that he could beg forgiveness for hurting the man.

“I suppose you found the garden satisfactory,” Rahl said as the locks began clicking back in place. He was never one to mince words, but it wasn’t easy saying the words, especially since he really wasn’t sure what Faramir’s true nature was like. “That is fortunate. I think you should spend a lot of time there until I figure out what to do with you. I am sure you would like to go back home this instant, but I have yet to figure out whether you may return home or if I shall just add you to the dozens of slaves in the slave’s quarters.”

“Yes, my lord. Thank you again for the garden,” Faramir said softly and then looked up at his lover, hurt by his next words. “I… do not wish to return to it so soon… I already told you I wanted it to be a place we could both go. Please, please forgive me, my lord,” Faramir said softly, he moved toward Rahl just a little and stopped himself. “If you want me to beg on my knees, my lord I will. Please… please do not send me away.”

Rahl shook his head, nearly taken in by Faramir’s words and the heartbreakingly soft sound of his voice. At the last moment, however, he hardened his heart and shook his head, remembering that he had nearly broken his rule and let Faramir get close to him. He wasn’t going to be taken in a second time. “Yes, you could not pretend to care if I sent you away, could you?” he asked, turning away and not looking into wide, hurt blue eyes. “I do not want you to beg, Faramir. I told you before that I brought you here for my pleasure. You provide that pleasure, so your feelings or your plans or the little words you think will torment me have no affect on my actions. I have said more than once that you have a big mouth and this morning was no exception.”

Faramir bowed his head and looked at the floor. “Yes, my lord,” he whispered, not knowing what else to say. “I… I am sorry for what I said, I did not realize… I… I meant no harm, truly,” Faramir said as he continued to stand before Rahl with his shoulders slumped forward and his head down. He wanted Rahl to punish him, oddly enough, so at least he knew the man wasn’t so angry that he couldn’t stand to touch him. This was worse than any of the other punishments he’d ever had really, Rahl being so distant and threatening to send him away.

Keeping his back to Faramir was the hardest thing Rahl had had to do in years. He ran his fingers over a book they’d been reading the night before, one they’d laughed and talked about for hours, and frowned at the memory. Finally, he turned around slowly and settled his gaze on the man before him. “I wish I could believe you,” he shrugged, carefully keeping his voice steady and even. “But there are so few people I truly believe in, and I barely know you. It was, perhaps a good thing you reminded me that letting my guard down for even a moment can hurt.”

Faramir winced and shook his head. “I did not mean to hurt you, I would never purposefully hurt anyone, let alone you,” Faramir said finally raising his tear filled eyes to meet Rahl’s. “I know you do not believe me, you never do,” Faramir said softly as he looked into suspicious eyes. “But I do speak the truth. I would never have said what I did if I’d known… I was only trying to tell you how amazing your kisses feel to me.” Faramir could see he wasn’t getting through to the man and simply stopped speaking. He felt horrible and the way Rahl continued to look at him as if he were nothing to him at all now felt worse than anything Faramir could have ever imagined.

“Yes, my ‘amazing’ kisses,” Rahl said softly. The words made him feel strange – he wanted so badly to believe them, but he just couldn’t. “In all my years as an adult, I have put enchantment spells on my lovers so they would not fight me. And they didn’t, no matter what I did to them – they just accepted it. But every time, I could see the fear in their eyes and the horror at my touch. Then you come along, claiming you want me to touch you, you ask to touch me in return, and you say, among other things, that I have ‘amazing’ kisses.” He took a step closer to Faramir and met his gaze. “You tried too hard, pet. Even my bewitched slaves simply tolerated me, they certainly never wanted me or my touch. But I must say, you are a superb actor. You nearly had me believing you earlier this morning.”

“That is because it was all true. I am actually a horrible liar but you refuse to believe the truth even when it is staring you in the eyes,” Faramir said tipping his chin up and looking almost challengingly at Rahl. “I have never lied to you. Not once. I don’t need your bewitchment spells because I want you all on my own. I crave your touch; you feed my desires as much as I try to feed yours. What I said was a mistake an honest mistake… I never meant to hurt you but my words have never been false.”

Gods, Rahl thought, he looked so sincere! And truly, he could prove no lie thus far. He could always read the man, but he no desire to see him suffer the illness he would be afflicted with afterward – especially since the first time was so much worse than subsequent ones. “You do feed my desire,” Rahl smiled. “You are the consummate lover, Faramir, enjoying taking whatever I wish to give you and even asking for more.” As he spoke, he walked over to the small table in the corner of the room and gestured for his slave to be seated. As Faramir headed toward him, Rahl continued. “But you see, if I truly believed you, I would be vulnerable. I would let you get close to me, maybe even let you convince me to drop a few of my protection spells like you did this morning, and then you spring. You might even kill me. And since I refuse to be vulnerable, and I have no desire to die… I cannot allow your words to affect me. Now… you should simply sit down and eat your dinner while I decide what to do with you.”

“I have no desire to kill you or harm you in any way. I have no reason to,” Faramir whispered as he sat down solemnly and placed his hands in his lap as he stared at the plate on the table. He had missed lunch but now he didn’t feel particularly like having a meal either. He did as always and filled first Rahl’s, then his own glass and then placed his hands back in his lap. The food on his plate was most likely delicious like all the food had been but Faramir only felt his stomach twist painfully.

Sighing as he watched Faramir, who truly seemed remorseful, Rahl shook his head and turned his back on the little scene. “There is no need to wait for me. I have no appetite and I’m tired. Unless you ate some of those apples in the garden, however, I assume you must be starving.”

“I have not eaten but I do not feel like eating,” Faramir said softly, his head still bowed. “May I be allowed to take a bath or just… go to bed? Or… do you wish something else of me?” he asked in a sad almost pathetically hopeful voice.

Rahl thought again about sending Faramir to the slave’s quarters, but the thought of being alone, however mad he was, not to mention the idea of the other slaves touching the new addition to their ranks made him alternately jealous and angry. Until he got everything settled, he would just have to learn to tune out the dejected tone in Faramir’s voice and reject his rather obvious attempt to offer himself. “Do whatever you like,” he shrugged after nearly a full minute of silence. If only he could know the truth, maybe he could forgive his lover’s words and things could go back to the way they were that morning when, despite the seeker and his inane threats, Rahl had been the happiest he’d ever been. “I don’t care. I have my spells in place and I am tired. I do not wish to be disturbed. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, my lord,” Faramir said softly. He slid his chair out and stood and walked to the bathing chamber and went inside. Once inside he hung his head and took a deep shuddering breath. He had ruined everything in one stupid sentence uttered in a moment of passion meant to be a compliment on Rahl’s kissing skills. He shook his head and began to fill the tub with water surprised when it changed from cold to hot in an instant. He hadn’t expected Rahl to cast the water charm for him… but was grateful he had. He removed his robe, sinking down into the hot, steamy water and allowing himself the luxury of tears again. He’d fallen in love with the man, how stupid could he possibly be? A man who thought he was a liar. Who thought that he pretended to care for him and thought he would kill him at any moment. His father had been right… his compassion and empathy and caring for people was truly his biggest downfall.

Staring out the window as Faramir passed him, Rahl listened as he drew a bath and slipped inside. It was second nature now to heat the water for their baths, and without even thinking, he waved his hand in Faramir’s direction and was rewarded with a whiff of steam that slipped under the door. He wanted to join him, or at the very least, watch him, but his fear of giving in to his feelings was simply too great. Faramir distracted him to such a degree after only a few weeks that it was frightening. He dominated Rahl’s thoughts morning, noon and night and even now, he felt oddly guilty for treating him this way, just in case Faramir was telling the truth. Guilt over a slave? Ridiculous. But, nonetheless, it was true.

Cursing softly under his breath, Rahl quickly undressed, slipped on a pair of breeches that covered his scars and slipped between the sheets. He closed his eyes at once, determined not to talk to Faramir any more that night, and pretended to sleep.

Faramir spent a long time in the tub, the water was tepid by the time he actually began to wash himself and his skin was pink and beginning to wrinkle on his fingertips by the time he drained the tub and dried himself. His eyes were red rimmed but Rahl wasn’t likely to notice that anyway. His head was aching horribly and he felt very self-conscious when he finished drying and had no clothing to cover himself to sleep in. He’d slept in the nude since arriving in Rahl’s world so he simply slipped back into the other room and stopped at the edge of the bed. Rahl was already asleep, so Faramir slid in under the cool sheets and lay looking up at the ceiling. Normally he turned on his side and snuggled close to Rahl’s back but it was likely that Rahl had replaced protective charms on himself and Faramir might be painfully reminded of that if he got too close. So he rolled over and faced the opposite wall and tried not to cry anymore that night.

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