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Love is... (NC-17) Print

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

19 November 2009 | 145965 words

Chapter 14

A few days passed since the incident in the garden and Faramir found himself left alone most of that time and without even being asked for sex by Rahl. They seemed to almost tiptoe around one another when they were in the same room and anytime they did talk it always seemed to result in some sort of argument or Rahl simply dismissing anything Faramir had to say as a lie or as a ‘disturbance’. It came to the point that Faramir almost resented the garden because it was where everything had fallen apart yet each day it seemed that was where he was banished.

He was sitting on the ground simply staring at the different color flowers when he heard footsteps but he wasn’t sure who they were. Likely it was Corrine again, she’d come a few times in the last few days to collect herbs and once to collect a few flowers for her mother. Faramir imagined it was just her again and simply pulled his knees up and rested his chin on them as he watched the flowers dance in the magical breeze.

The strain of both wanting and not wanting Faramir was beginning to take its toll on Rahl. He would often catch himself wandering around the castle in the middle of the day simply to stare out of a window toward the garden. He made sure Faramir never saw him, but it was driving him mad, having the man in his bed every night but not allowing himself the pleasure of touching him. His sleep had turned restless again, but this time, he’d put a spell on Faramir that muffled his hearing. If Rahl woke up at night screaming again, Faramir would never know, and that suited Rahl just fine.

This day, he was back to trying to convince himself to simply let Faramir return to his world. Thinking a snack from the kitchen might help, he took the long way around, stopping by the first floor to gaze out at the garden. It was then that Corrine, the kitchen servant’s daughter, caught him watching. They talked for a moment, for she was one of the few people in the castle who wasn’t terrified of him, and when she asked him why Faramir was so sad, he had no idea what to say. He felt bad for a moment, then was filled with anger that his slave was dragging the household staff into affairs that clearly had nothing to do with them. Corrine was suggesting Rahl bring or make Faramir a flower as he stalked away from the girl and headed toward the garden, planning on telling Faramir once and for all that as of that night, he would be back with his beloved brother. Throwing open the door, Rahl’s breath caught in his throat and he physically hurt at the sight of Faramir looking so dejected in the middle of such a colorful and happy place. “What? Now you don’t like the garden?” he snapped. “You look as if someone died, not as if you were in one of the most beautiful gardens in all the world.”

Faramir startled so much when the door was thrown open and Rahl’s voice snapped at him that he almost slammed his own chin into his knees. He looked up at Rahl, surprised that the man was actually there and shook his head. “I do like the garden,” he answered, though not terribly forcefully. “I was just… lost in thought.” He started to say there was little else for him to do than think in the garden since Rahl left him there for hours every day. It was beautiful. But even a beautiful prison was still a prison. With no conversation, no touches from Rahl, not even a punishment in days it truly felt worse than any prison Faramir could conjure. He unfolded from his position and stood, bowing slightly to Rahl. “My lord, do you require me for something?” Faramir asked hopefully.

Only the truth. Rahl shook his head to rid it of the ridiculous thought and nodded. “Yes. I am sending you home today.” He came down the steps and stood in front of Faramir, inexplicably hurt by his own words. “You have disrupted my life for long enough and now you have silly little servant girls wandering around worrying about you. I’ve had enough.”

Faramir stepped back, feeling as if he had been stabbed in the stomach. His hand actually went to his heart though and he stood there for a moment trying to will away the pain. His throat had tightened and he could barely manage to speak. “I… but… but I…” he stammered and tears gathered in his eyes, one teardrop managing to fall that he wasn’t able to hold back. “I do not wish to return home.”

The words angered Rahl even further, for reasons he couldn’t even begin to explain. “Your wishes are not my concern,” he snapped. It was only then that he noticed the teardrop making its way down Faramir’s handsome face. He wasn’t… he couldn’t be serious could he? He couldn’t really want to stay. “What is that?” He pointed toward the wet trail the teardrop left behind and his voice rose even higher. “You have nothing to prove to me, Faramir. You are free to go home, back to your family, free to sleep with whomever you want and go wherever your heart takes you. How could you not want that? And why are you still pretending to want to be with me?”

“Because I do!” Faramir blurted vehemently. “And it is a tear, one of many I have shed over a man that would rather believe the worst in me when I have not given you any reasons to doubt me. A misunderstanding is all this was, days I have been pining for a kind word from you, a touch, even a punishment… and now you want to send me home? You do not feel anything for me do you? Not anything at all?” Tears were flowing freely now and Faramir scrubbed at his face angrily. “I cannot believe I let this happen, I can’t. How I could have fallen in love with a man who will never even believe I even LIKE him is… ridiculous. Maybe you should send me home! Because this is the worst form of torture to be near you and unable to even feel your touch!”

Rahl’s face was positively murderous at Faramir’s impertinence. Besides his father, no one had ever dared speak to him with anything but respect, and here Faramir was, practically yelling at him and talking about…What?

Gritting his teeth, Rahl replayed Faramir’s words in his head, trying to figure out what angle the man was trying to play now. Love? Rahl didn’t believe in it. Oh, it existed for other people he was sure, but to someone in his position, it was a death sentence. This time, the Ranger from Gondor had completely overstepped his boundaries and carried his little game or plot or whatever it was entirely too far.

Rahl was on top of Faramir in an instant, one hand on his forehead and the other fisted in his tunic to hold him still. “Enough! Feel anything for you? FEEL ANYTHING FOR YOU? I cannot afford to feel anything for you, Faramir! I cannot afford to want you as much as I do, and most of all; I cannot afford to listen to your ridiculous lies for one more moment. If I have to draw your feelings out one by one and show them to you, then by the Gods, that is just what I’ll do!” A few words were uttered under Rahl’s breath and he was hit with a flood of Faramir’s thoughts. Faramir was angry and frustrated, but he wasn’t lying. When those most basic of emotions washed over him, Rahl gasped, but then saw deeper into his slave’s mind. He heard Faramir in his head, saying words he’d never spoken aloud; words about love and happiness and truly, truly wanting Rahl to touch him, to kiss him, to love him back.

With a ragged gasp, Rahl jerked his hand away and stared at Faramir with wide eyes. “You… ,” he stopped, scratched furiously at his bottom lip and tried to regulate his breathing. “You… are a fool.”

Faramir yelped when Rahl suddenly lunged for him, but he simply stood his ground, thinking that if he were to be punished at least he was going to be paid attention to. Instead, Rahl touched his forehead and clutched his robe painfully tight at his chest. The man was seething; yelling at him and suddenly fell silent. Faramir’s head spun as if he were falling over a cliff edge and a stabbing pain flashed violently behind his eyes. When Rahl released him, Faramir stumbled and then fell to his knees retching violently as his stomach twisted viciously from the invasion of his mind. His head was pounding and the sunlight he had enjoyed earlier that morning now made him almost blind with pain. “What have you done to me?” he gasped as another wave of nausea hit him so hard he doubled over.

Rahl stood staring stupidly at Faramir, trying to make himself believe that he hadn’t imagined the words or the feelings he’d found in Faramir’s head. So many times he’d read others, and though he usually stopped when he read their loyalty, he often got other feelings as well. Many hated and feared him, and he didn’t mind that… as long as they had no intention of turning against him. With Faramir, however, there was no hatred or fear and Rahl had actually been at a loss to understand what had just happened. His expression softened just a bit as Faramir retched and fought for breath. “I… I read you,” he whispered, slowly lowering himself to his knees beside his lover. His hand lifted to catch Faramir’s hair and keep it away from his face. “I read you and… and you weren’t lying.”

Faramir barely managed a smirk before he was ill again and gasped for breath as he wiped at his mouth. “Can I say I told you so?” he asked giving Rahl a sidelong glance. “I have cursed myself a fool since the moment I realized I loved you… but that doesn’t make the fact change,” he whispered. He finally had to close his eyes and take a breath. “How long… ugh” he was about to ask how long before the effects of the reading would wear off but he was already heaving again. This time though, Rahl was beside him, holding his hair away from his face and Faramir was slightly surprised by that but in spite of everything, touched by it as well. Well he did this to me, he can damn well help me. He thought angrily before practically turning himself inside out again.

Frowning, Rahl brushed his fingertips over Faramir’s damp forehead, still lost in thought, but having the presence of mind to be half-amused by the backtalk. “A day or so,” he said softly. “Sometimes longer if it’s the first time.” A wet cloth appeared in his hand, along with a cup of some foul-smelling mixture of teas, herbs and roots. Rahl couldn’t heal Faramir from this, but he could at least use nonmagical remedies to make the ordeal more bearable. “Drink this.” His voice was firm again, and he took back control of the situation. “It will at least get us back to my chambers, where you can lie down.”

Faramir frowned deeply when Rahl said a day or so perhaps longer and gave the man he loved a bitter look from narrowed eyes. “You really should be glad you are magical and I love you… because I can forgive you for this… but do not ever do this to me again, please?” Faramir groused and begged at the same time. He sat up slightly as Rahl put the cloth to his forehead and sighed but flinched from the smell of the drink. “Ugh… that… are you certain?” he asked as Rahl frowned and pushed the glass toward him again. Faramir finally took it and drank it down. He started to drink slowly but the smell forced him to have to drink it quickly. The horrible brew did actually settle his stomach after a few moments though and he sighed deeply. “The smell of that is horrible… but I feel a little better,” he whispered and started to stand. He felt weak as a kitten and was thankful when Rahl’s arm came around him to help him.

Holding Faramir steady, Rahl was still somewhat at a loss as to how to deal with him. His anger had completely disappeared, and had been replaced with confusion and a weary kind of gentleness. “I… yes… no, I have no desire to see you ill… that is why I… Gods, I am not explaining myself to you!” When Faramir sagged a bit, Rahl held him closer and ran the cool cloth over his cheeks and neck. “Can you make it back to our room? I can cast a spell or… or carry you or… something. We just need to get back there so I can… think.”

The idea of being carried was a nice one but Faramir was afraid he might be sick again. “I can walk… slowly,” Faramir said softly. His throat was beginning to ache a little from the violence of his being ill. “Can you cast that spell long distance, may not kill your enemies but it might make them wish they were dead,” Faramir tried to tease as they made their way slowly back inside. Once inside the darkness of the castle stairway, Faramir felt a little bit better, the dark helping the pounding of his head a bit. “Gods, I do not want to give the servants more work… but my stomach is turning again,” he muttered.

Despite everything, Rahl laughed, both at Faramir’s words as well as the fact that, as sick as he was, he still had his usual sense of humor. “That would be too easy, would it not?” he asked as he guided Faramir to a corner of the hallway and pressed a hand against his lower back, rubbing absentmindedly. “I will clean it up. Go ahead if you need to… though, if you do, know this is happening because you left me no choice. This is what happens when you push me too far.”

“If you’d just believed me…” Faramir began but wasn’t able to continue. There really was nothing left and he simply dry heaved for several moments, clutching his stomach as the pounding in his head returned. “Gods,” he muttered afterwards and tried to stand back up from where he had bent double. “I didn’t want to leave you… that is why I fought you,” he whispered.

Rahl leaned back against the wall behind him and magically made the cloth he’d been carrying cooler. He stood there, rubbing his slave’s back with one hand and holding him steady with the other as the cloth neatly draped itself over the back of Faramir’s neck. “I could not believe you,” he sighed. “You have no idea what a bad idea your allowing yourself to develop feelings for me is. I still cannot believe it but…” He shook his head when he knew Faramir was about to protest and rolled his eyes. “Well, I cannot. You should stop loving me at once, and you should go home to your brother and your Rangers and the castle you grew up in.”

Faramir might have laughed bitterly if he felt up to laughing. Instead he sighed as he leaned against the wall with his lover. He felt horrible and his back ached from heaving but he just looked at Rahl. “I cannot just stop or I would have saved myself a great deal of pain already,” he said softly. “Please, please let me stay. I promise to behave… I promise I will not let how I feel be revealed to anyone. Besides… I think you need someone who truly cares for you and is not just loyal because they have to be or are afraid,” Faramir said softly.

Lord Rahl’s hand drifted over Faramir’s face, one finger curling underneath his chin. His thumb rubbed lightly over his slave’s jaw and he stared at the man as if he was some exotic creature he’d never in all his life seen or heard of. “You truly care for me.” He repeated the words slowly; they didn’t exactly roll off his tongue as easily as his spells or curses or orders normally did. “I really wish…” The words trailed off and he sighed. “Hold on to me. You’ll never make it back at this rate. I can get us there quickly, but the spell is somewhat unpleasant.”

Faramir felt horrible, he was sweating and his body ached, his head was pounding and his muscles ached from the strain of heaving but yet the moment Rahl touched him so gently, it seemed all of that disappeared for just a moment. Rahl finally understood, knew and accepted that Faramir didn’t hate him, that he did care for the man and hadn’t been lying. He offered a small pained smile, unable to do more because he felt so poorly but it was a relief. He nodded. “Nothing could be more unpleasant than feeling this ill, and even so, I won’t be able to tell much difference I imagine,” Faramir said softly and moved closer, clinging to the wizard. “Thank you.”

Pulling Faramir against him, still frowning Rahl nodded and closed his eyes. The transport spell was one he very, very rarely ever used, since it appeared as if flames were surrounding him, but it was handy now and then to fall back on in times of need. He had, after many, many years, learned to close his eyes and block out the flames, though to him, he still felt as if his old scars were burning anew. The few people he had transported with him, however, said they’d felt very little – only a moment of what felt like hot air blowing over them, but Rahl figured they were only trying to keep the truth from him so he wouldn’t be angry. With Faramir in his arms, he muttered the spell and a moment later opened his eyes to his own chambers, breathing hard from the flames he felt sure had burned him this time.

Faramir felt slightly more disoriented as suddenly they were whisked from one area of the castle to another. His head spun but he managed to keep his stomach from turning from the feeling of vertigo he had for a moment as they arrived in Rahl’s chambers. When Rahl looked at him as if worried, Faramir smiled a little. “It wasn’t so horrible,” he murmured, though he leaned heavily on his lover. “But I really do need to sit down I think… my head is spinning.”

Rahl’s free hand moved over Faramir’s robes, assuring himself there were, indeed, no lingering flames. They stood just in front of one of the windows in his chambers, and he had only to take a step backwards to get to the window seat. He was still confused by Faramir and these feelings he’d developed and on top of everything else, he felt somewhat angry… and thrilled. Someone actually loved him. Really and truly loved him. It was an odd feeling, one he’d never really known. He’d spent his entire life having never heard the words, and now he felt them.

His brow furrowed and he slowly sat down, then pulled Faramir into his lap. “Do you want to sit here, or lie down?” he asked softly, still unsure of just how this new development was going to change anything.

Faramir folded easily into Rahl’s lap and rested his forehead against his lover’s shoulder. “Here is fine… if I close my eyes my head does not hurt so badly,” he whispered. “This is truly a vile spell,” he added dryly. “I am sorry for causing you so much trouble…” Faramir paused and took a deep breath as he waited for another wave of nausea to pass, this time it faded and he was able to at least keep a bit of dignity. “Are you still angry with me?”

Rahl waved his hand and the room was suddenly dark except for the few rays of light that filtered in through the small gap in the curtains behind them. He thought the lack of light might help, and oddly enough… he did want to help. “Yes,” he said softly, leaning back against the wall and wrapping both arms around Faramir. “Though I am not mad about what you said in the garden anymore. I see now that that was simply a mistake. I am quite unhappy… and confused about your feelings though. They complicate matters, and complications make me angry.”

Sighing softly, Faramir looked up at Rahl. “How does it complicate things? I mean, I would understand if you loved me things becoming complicated but how does it change anything if I love you?” Faramir was confused. He couldn’t see how it could or would matter to Rahl who didn’t love him and had just a short time ago wanted to send him back home. “You… are you going to make me leave?”

Their gazes met and after a moment, Rahl shook his head. “No. At least not yet.” He couldn’t seem to stop touching Faramir now, and though to him, it felt like a weakness, he was too mentally exhausted to fight it. “I’ve never had anyone around who loves me, so I’m not ready to just let you go yet. It really is a terrible idea though. You don’t really know me, haven’t seen what I’m capable of, haven’t seen my…” He bit off his last words and tucked Faramir’s hair behind his ear. “But no. I am not sure what I am going to do with you, but I’m not sending you away.”

Faramir looked into Rahl’s eyes, his own filling with relief as his lover said he wasn’t sending him away. “I… know enough to know that you are a complicated man. Maybe it isn’t the brightest idea but I will never use it against you, use how I feel and I will be loyal to you. Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say or do you know…”

“I just…” Rahl leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. “When you fall out of love, you must tell me. I have no desire to see you this sick again, but I will read you if it is necessary. You’ll either realize your feelings were fleeting or something will change your mind and I need to know when that happens, all right? Then, maybe things will feel ‘normal’ again.”

Faramir was saddened when Rahl said he would fall out of love. “And if I never fall out of love with you?” He asked softly. “I will tell you of course if I do… I hadn’t intended this to happen. I always enjoyed the sex… perhaps a little too much,” Faramir admitted. “You fulfill desires in me I always thought were dark or even perverted… but I don’t feel either of those things with you. Maybe part of that helped me fall in love with you but that is not the sum of it. It is not lust confused with more. You are beautiful to me, your eyes make me want to please you. Your touch makes me shiver in anticipation and your voice alone could make me come easily, but it is not just those things. I enjoy talking with you about magical theory, your world, maps and books and strategy and even the few chess matches we’ve had, I’ve enjoyed them so much because of that intelligence you have and your natural cunning. You also make me feel safe, like now,” he whispered and rested his cheek against Rahl’s.

If anything, Faramir’s words made Rahl even more confused. He tilted his head just a little and pressed a kiss against the dampness of Faramir’s neck. “Safe?” His laugh was soft, but bitter. “You are without a doubt the first person who has ever felt that around me. And as for falling out of love? You will. I promise. I haven’t been alone all my life without a good reason, you know. There is very little about me to love, but Gods…” He closed his eyes and breathed in his lover’s scent. “While it lasts, Faramir, I have to admit I will enjoy hearing it.”

Faramir leaned back and looked at his lover for a moment, his head feeling slightly clearer than before, though he still felt feverish and sore. “Yes, safe,” he said smiling a little. “And I am glad to be the only one who has ever said that to you and to be the one who loves you.” Faramir took a deep breath and rested his head back against Rahl’s shoulder and snuggled to him a little. “I am starting to feel a little bit better… that isn’t saying a lot but perhaps I could take a bath before your dinner is served. I do not think I will be able to… maybe just a bit of tea or just plain water?” Faramir asked. Usually they had wine with dinner but he knew he would not be able to manage that tonight.

Rahl nodded. “Yes, yes… anything you like,” he said absently, still reeling from their conversation. “I…” He stopped, started again, then began rubbing at his lower lip. “I wish I hadn’t had to read you. You have been cooperative for the most part, and I do not enjoy seeing you suffer in this manner.” It was the closest thing to an apology Rahl could manage, and he hoped Faramir got the idea.

“It is all right,” Faramir said softly. “I did push you… I am not accustomed to not speaking my mind and you are not accustomed to others speaking their mind that way… it is understandable. Just, as I asked before, please do not do it again,” he grinned a little. “I would even kiss you to prove I forgive you but… I really, really don’t think that would be pleasant at the moment,” he teased and started to stand. His dizziness hit him again and Faramir gasped. “Oh… moving too much is not a good idea.”

It was a strange feeling, knowing that someone really cared for him, but stranger still was the fact that Rahl was also feeling oddly protective of the man before him. Not wanting to lose the first person to love him, he supposed, but still… very odd. He automatically stood and reached out to put his arms around his lover. “I… I can help, I… I suppose, if you tell me how. Do you want a spell or shall I help you in there or…” He sighed and shook his head. “Not that this changes things between us, not really. I just… I am still trying to figure out how to deal with all this.”

“Can you just… help me a little. My legs feel sort of weak and my head spins when I move suddenly. I don’t want to fall and kill myself,” Faramir said softly. He realized that Rahl was trying to adjust to this and nodded slightly, despite the headache. “I know… and I appreciate your help,” Faramir said looking at his lover. He could see emotions in Rahl’s eyes that were moving so quickly he could barely catch them all but most surprising was a level of concern he hadn’t expected. They moved slowly to the bathing chamber and once inside, Faramir took a deep breath and looked at Rahl. “Could you heat the water for me?”

Rahl nodded and waved his hand. “Of course.” Steadying Faramir with one hand, he quickly unfastened his robe with the other and despite the circumstances, couldn’t help from admiring the muscular form before him. “You know, perhaps it would be easier on us both if I made sure you fell out of love with me sooner rather than later,” he suggested as he helped Faramir into the bath. “Then things would not be so awkward.”

Faramir looked at the man oddly when he made his suggestion and hardly noticed he was now naked before his lover. “Seeing how you weren’t being very nice to me when I fell in love with you, I shudder to think what that would be like,” Faramir said frowning. “Why can you not just be happy that someone cares for you, cares about what happens to you… you like loyalty and who could be more loyal than one who loves you?”

“I… just be happy?” Rahl looked faintly horrified at the prospect, but the more he thought about it, he more appealing it seemed. And, Faramir did have a point about who could be more loyal than someone who was in love with him. “Well. I never thought of that. Perhaps I can give it a try. You do understand that I cannot love you back though, don’t you? Everyone I have ever loved has died a horrible death, and while it has never mattered much before, you have been good to me and deserve better. Besides…” His voice trailed off and he shook his head. “I don’t even really know what love is. I know you were thinking you loved me, but I don’t understand it, so I certainly cannot feel it.”

Faramir’s heart ached when Rahl said he couldn’t love him back but he understood somehow. “I know… I do not expect you to. I didn’t exactly plan this but I’ve always known that what goodness you show to me is to keep your property where you can continue to use and enjoy it. I am not expecting more,” Faramir said looking into his lover’s eyes. “I want to simply be here with you, be a small part of your life and help make sure you continue to live and be a part of my life. So before you kept thinking I was in league with that seeker person… now he is really and truly my enemy,” Faramir explained.

A rare, honest smile touched Rahl’s lips and though he had a hard time believing Faramir’s words, he now understood them to be true. He willed a stool beside the tub and gently settled his lover in the water, then sat down, still fully dressed beside him. “Then… I suppose you are serious,” he concluded thoughtfully. “I must confess that ever since I spirited you away from your world, I have wanted no other slaves, so I will concede that for as long as you love me, I will not take another into my bed. I would think that since you have these feelings for me, seeing me with another would sadden you, would it not?”

“It would more than sadden me,” Faramir said as he sat back a little in the large tub and closed his eyes for a moment as the hot water made his aching back and stomach muscles ease just a bit. His head still hurt but that he imagined would continue a while, it wasn’t everyday someone went tearing through your thoughts. “It would sadden me but it would also make me extremely jealous. Thank you for suggesting that but… I cannot really expect it. You are my master and I really have no say in what you do… even if I do tend to poke my nose where it doesn’t belong,” he grinned a little when he saw Rahl ready to protest.

“But if I sadden you and make you jealous, then you might turn out to be not so loyal,” Rahl countered, completely abandoning his earlier idea of trying to make Faramir not love him. Throwing one hand in the air, he frowned and rubbed at his chin and jaw with the other. “This is confusing! It would have been better if you had simply not told me any of this and let me send you home!”

Faramir laughed softly and reached out to take Rahl’s hand. “Love is often confusing from what I’ve heard,” Faramir said softly. “Is it so horrible knowing I care for you? Is it so horrible knowing I would do anything for you? You are not the man you think you are, yes you can do bad things but that doesn’t make you a bad man. You want certain things for this world of yours and even in my own, not everyone agrees with their leaders… it is… just the way it is. Even Corrine the servant girl cares for you… she told me as much and I do not believe she is capable of lying,” Faramir said softly. “Just accept that there are those who believe in you, my love.”

It took a moment, but finally Rahl laughed softly at himself and nodded. “I will… try,” he agreed. Looking down, he ran his fingertips over the back of Faramir’s hand where it clasped his own. “But remember, you promised to tell me when your feelings change or go away. And in the meantime, I… I am going to try and accept your feelings, and I will allow you to love me for now. That being said, I do not wish to cause you undue harm – at least any more than is pleasant. I have read of sexual partners having a word they say when the pain is too much or becomes unbearable. I think you should have such a word so I don’t break you like I have other slaves.”

Faramir smiled when Rahl laughed and loved that his lover was touching him so sweetly with just his fingertips. “I will tell you though it will likely never happen and a word… I think something short perhaps a color… blue?” Faramir offered certain that he could never blurt out the color blue just in the midst of passion. “But I do seem to have a somewhat high tolerance for sexual pain at least… this… this spell however is a whole other story.” He released Rahl’s hand to gather a bit of water on his hands and splash water on his face and rub at his eyes, which he was sure were red rimmed from crying earlier and his tears from heaving so much.

“Blue.” Rahl nodded and committed the word to memory. He was about to delve more into the ‘high tolerance for sexual pain’ comment when he was distracted by watching as the water ran down Faramir’s face. Only then did he realize why his lover’s eyes were red. “You were upset,” he said, frowning and touching the corner of Faramir’s eye with his fingertip. “Because I was going to send you home? I meant that much to you to stay?”

“Yes, I have been crying quite a bit since the other day in the garden really. I felt horrible for hurting you and ruining things between us and terrified that you no longer wanted me,” Faramir said softly as he looked up at his lover. “I thought you were going to send me away and I would never see you again,” his voice was hoarse from the tightening of his throat at the very thought.

Someone felt horrible for hurting him? Not terrified or suicidal… but horrible? Gods, this love thing must really be terrible, Rahl decided. “I obviously still wanted you or I would not have allowed you to share my bed,” he sighed. “I could have just killed you or thrown you in with the other slaves. Instead, I… well, I did nothing. I’ve whipped slaves raw for far less than what you said to me.” He looked faintly surprised at his own words, but slowly continued. “Perhaps I should have done just that, punished you, and you would have fallen out of love. I would never have known, so I would no have to worry about losing this being-loved thing and you would have happily returned to your world, though maybe with a very sore backside. That would have been better, I think.”

“I expected you to punish me, even wanted you to, so I’m not sure it would have worked. I knew I angered you, even if it had not been intentional, and I do know your temperament,” Faramir smiled a little then. “So, I may have thought it justified and not fallen out of love… there are a great deal of what might have been’s to consider… why don’t we just consider what now is?”

“You are determined to do this, aren’t you?” Rahl said, though not entirely unhappily. “Love me, I mean. Fine.” He stood, paced the room a few times but kept a weary eye on Faramir. “I am not sure how I feel about it, but each new experience brings knowledge, so I will try and adapt to this whole being loved idea.” Suddenly looking quite pleased with himself, he smiled at his lover. “So, the nice thing to do would be for me to eat while you are in here, would it not? So you do not have to see or smell my dinner? Is that not what someone who is loved would do for the one who loves him?”

Faramir risked nodding his head, even if it hurt when Rahl asked if he was determined. He watched as his lover rose and paced the room. Faramir laughed softly, though wincing a little from it. “Yes, I think you are right. The smell of the food might not be a good thing for me, just the thought of it… makes me a bit queasy at the moment,” Faramir agreed. “Why don’t you go eat and just leave me some tea or water. I will be fine here, I won’t drown,” he grinned, “And you won’t go hungry and I certainly don’t want that. You are grumpy when you do not eat,” Faramir teased.

Rahl’s eyes narrowed angrily for a moment, before they widened in amusement. “That was the type of humor one uses on the one they love,” he concluded, quite pleased with himself for catching on so quickly. “Very well. I will go enjoy my dinner and read up on the whole concept. Come back into the bedroom when you wish.” He waved his hand again, making the water warmer, then headed toward the bathroom door. “Oh… or… I suppose, you can call for me if you need more assistance,” he said vaguely. “This time anyway, since I am responsible for your illness.”

Faramir smiled at his lover when he realized that he was only teasing him. “If I feel as if I may fall, I will call you, otherwise I shall meet you once I am finished here and we can sit and read together if you like. I found a book that might help you understand love… especially the unconditional sort a bit better,” Faramir said softly. “It was one I read earlier in my time here.”

“I would like that,” Rahl said as he headed out the door, still somewhat uncomfortable, but slowly coming to terms with this new development in his already complicated life. He wondered if any of the other slaves loved him, and quickly decided they didn’t, then decided to at least try and do as Faramir said – be happy with what they had. He was certain it wouldn’t last long, but while it did, he intended to explore it fully.

Humming softly to himself, he unlocked the door to his bedroom and allowed the servant who had been waiting out in the hall to serve his dinner. If the servant or his guard looked a bit startled at the noise, they hid it well, but Bergan, who had scrambled from where Rahl and Faramir disappeared earlier to his station, wore somewhat of a knowing grin.

NB: Please do not distribute (by any means, including email) or repost this story (including translations) without the author's prior permission. [ more ]

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35 Comment(s)

Cool! I like where this is headed, even though I don’t know the other fandom.

— pinbot    Sunday 10 May 2009, 3:26    #

Oh now this is a crossover I can sink my teeth into. I love both fandoms. I’m so excited about this story. Thank you for this. I can’t wait for more!

— Kelly    Monday 11 May 2009, 15:26    #

Crossover!!! oooOOOOooooo!!!!

— Eoselene    Tuesday 12 May 2009, 9:34    #

I didn’t know the other fandom involved in this crossover but man am I glad you turned me onto it. Now I have a new series I am greatly enjoying and your wonderful story to look forward to. Thanks!

— PrphtssP    Monday 8 June 2009, 6:23    #

Well I certainly never believed I’d ever see these thoughts or traits emerging from Darken Rahl of all people! This is very interesting indeed. I am enjoying it very much.

— Kelly    Tuesday 7 July 2009, 22:24    #

Well I certainly never believed I’d ever see these thoughts or traits emerging from Darken Rahl of all people! This is very interesting indeed. I am enjoying it very much. I’m in the midst of this book series right now so this is a great time for me to enjoy this story. Thank you both again for entertaining me thoroughly.

— Kelly    Tuesday 7 July 2009, 22:25    #

I just noticed I forgot to comment after this last post. I so love this. I’m loving seeing some things floating around in Rahl’s head that you wouldn’t expect in a million years! And who else could do this to him other than our dear, sweet, oh so naughty Faramir! I cant wait for more!

— Kelly    Thursday 23 July 2009, 21:38    #

Awesome!!! I am so loving the frustration level here! Faramir’s frustration with Rahl not believing him is one thing but Rahl’s frustration with Faramir and those little “feelings” he has no idea what to do with is just so fun. Feelings and Rahl dont normally even go in the same sentence so this is just so cool to be able so watch this all unfold. More please.

— Kelly    Tuesday 28 July 2009, 21:23    #

I almost feel sorry for Rahl..almost. He doesn’t have a chance. But then who could resist our Faramir? Can’t wait for more!

— Kelly    Tuesday 18 August 2009, 19:50    #

Drip, drip, drip. I feel the ice melting from a certain wizard’s heart. What power our Faramir wields. He can turn even the most vile heart to mush. As always, I am loving this and can’t wait for more. If Faramir is successful in making a very big change in Rahl,I wonder just how different his meeting with the Seeker would be?

— Kelly    Tuesday 25 August 2009, 19:11    #

Loved chapter 12, and the way their two worlds are “intertwingling” now. Fire and ice….

— ebbingnight    Thursday 10 September 2009, 22:58    #

I have no patience any more. This is impossible!!! You write gorgeous but.., but a little slowly… Forgive me for that. I want to see Faramir happy so much… I want Rahl would believe Faramir loves him truly. He is so stubborn…
Thank you!

— Anastasiya    Friday 11 September 2009, 12:25    #

Ugh! You two are seriously killing me! Every time I think our wonderful, oh so irresistible, Faramir is going to break through that last wall to Rahl, the door goes slam (and very loudly I might add)! It is beyond frustrating for both Faramir and me (hee hee). I was so sure this time he had it. However, do not take that as anything but the total compliment that it is. I love it. It’s what keeps me checking back daily (blushes, ok several times a day at least) for new updates. I so love this story. Well done!

— Kelly    Tuesday 15 September 2009, 0:09    #

Oh yes, magic is definitely at work here, but not the kind with which Rahl is familiar! I was happy to see in Chapter 13 that at least the children in the castle aren’t terrified of him.

— ebbingnight    Tuesday 15 September 2009, 16:46    #

Ouch! That time the door slammed shut so quickly it got me in the nose! Tease, tease tease!

— Kelly    Tuesday 15 September 2009, 16:52    #

Ah that’s better. I have been waiting for that reading. I can see the door is now slightly ajar. Hopefully Faramir gets the rest of himself through it. You two really have me wrapped up in this story. I was so excited to see a new addition I read it immediately. The greatest compliment I can give you is that you know a story is good when you can really picture yourself in the middle of it all watching it unfold. I have done that with basically all of your stories I have read. This one however will always be a favorite of mine.

— Kelly    Thursday 17 September 2009, 16:20    #

Totally love the way that Rahl is now trying to talk Faramir out of loving him—- for his own good! Getting closer and closer now to realizing what “love” actually means, I suspect!

— ebbingnight    Friday 18 September 2009, 1:07    #

Now this is really interesting. I’m so loving it. With all this emotoinal turmoil going on I cant wait to see things really explode when Richard decides to show up at some point.

— Kelly    Tuesday 22 September 2009, 17:04    #

Ha ha the power our beloved Ranger wields and doesn’t even realize it. Now he’s got Rahl healing broken bones without a second thought about it. Stick a fork in him, he’s done. I’m surprised he’s holding out as long as he is. I would have given in to Faramir in less than 5 seconds.

— Kelly    Wednesday 30 September 2009, 21:32    #

On behalf of all of us who have been waiting oh so impatiently for this event. Thank you!!!!!!!!!! The door has opened and the sun is shining brightly through the doorway.

— Kelly    Monday 5 October 2009, 20:00    #

And endlessly Rahl has surrendered!!! My heart is thrilled as when I’m thinking of Rahl’s power and magic as when I imagine bright beauty of Faramir. I think they must look incredibly together! Now I just hope this story will have the happy end for I’m afraid that the seeker could brihg them to harm! But I so want Rahl would allow himself to be truly loved!
Thank you! It was gorgeous as always!

— Anastasiya    Monday 5 October 2009, 20:37    #

You have charmed me once agian with this wonderful addition to your story. I cannot wait to see the meeting of Faramir and the Seeker.

— PrphtssP    Thursday 8 October 2009, 9:09    #

I know you wont be surprised at all to hear this from me but… totally awesome!!! I so enjoyed this I had to read it twice. Well done!

— Kelly    Tuesday 13 October 2009, 17:21    #

Oh joy! This just keeps getting better and better all the time. You are probably getting so sick of hearing from me by now but I cant help it. I so love this story. I cant wait to get more.

— Kelly    Monday 26 October 2009, 17:20    #

Extremely exiting!
It made my heart practically stop!
Confrontation of two the most important for Rahl men! I regret only that they both have promissed Rahl to become friends and cannot wrangle openly any more… Though, I think, they will be always have no special sympathy of one another.
I like the way Faramir is jealous and Rahl demonstrate him his affection!
I could read about them endlessly!
And though I understand it’s not so simply to write, I hope to see new chapters faster…
Thank you very much!

— Anastasiya    Thursday 29 October 2009, 15:44    #

I so love a jealous Faramir! He must be just so lovely that way (not that he isnt all the time anyway). I’ll put $20 on our Faramir against Demmin anytime and if he has any trouble I will be happy to help him with whatever he needs. If this keeps up Rahl is going to be to worn out to give Richard much trouble. Faramir may have to settle this. Very diplomatically I hope, as I dont want anything bad happening to Richard either. I quite like him also. As always, well done! I anxiously wait each new piece. I am going to be so bummed when this story is over.

— Kelly    Thursday 29 October 2009, 17:43    #

OMG! I think that was the fastest I have ever read through an addition. Oh please tell me I wont have to wait long to find out what happens next.

— Kelly    Monday 2 November 2009, 15:24    #

Oh, it was…strange!
I hope you know, dear writers, that I am devoted admirer of your works, but request about permission to leave Rahl’s world never to return was too much even for me. Of course I want Rahl to see Faramir’s world, to meet Denethor (!!!) and perhaps to play his own role in the War of the Ring (it would be interesting to see powerful Rahl standing against Witch King for example) but I also wish Rahl would become a creator bringing Peace and Good to his people. I wish I could see him as a healer and as a ruler loved by everybody. I would be very delighted too see Faramir and Rahl to be jealous and I’ve already forgotten when I read about their intimacy last time… Though it will be other story for Rahl knows now what love is.
I have said already I could read about them endlessly. And I truly think this story is the one of the most successful works I have ever read.

— Anastasiya    Wednesday 4 November 2009, 13:00    #

Wow! I am exhausted just reading! Leave it to Faramir to get things done. I love it. I was totally not sure how this would work out in the end. I cant wait to see how going to Middle Earth works out for them. I wouldnt mind Denethor getting more than a cramp for his bad behaviour. As always, I so love this and anxiously anticipate more. Just when I think I cant get any deeper into this story, there’s another level I get caught up in. Well done!

— Kelly    Wednesday 4 November 2009, 14:28    #

Oh I like this. Life in middle earth, specifically Ithillien, is going to be so much more fun. I oh so impatiently await the next chapter. I just hope they get out of there before Zedd or Kahlan gets out of Richard what he did.

— Kelly    Tuesday 10 November 2009, 16:50    #

I have not finished to read everything, but your style is really good and the story interesting.
Thank you for sharing.

— lille mermeid    Thursday 19 November 2009, 19:43    #

Wonderful ending, as their converging paths of seemingly dark desires have finally led Faramir and Darken to discover together what love is. I adore the fact that now Faramir has to stop Darken from constantly healing him, and that there is total trust between them. This was worth traveling between worlds for!

Thanks for this terrific crossover: it really worked for me.

— ebbingnight    Friday 20 November 2009, 2:07    #

Oh, dear authors! You have described ten years of happy marrige in Gondor faster than the year in Rahl’s world. And I am happy and sad at the same time. Happy – because of very good end, but sad – because of this wonderful story is over. I do not know how to live further without them.
But thank you very much. It was truly great work!

— Anastasiya    Friday 20 November 2009, 13:56    #

So sorry to be late in posting. I have been down with some cold/flu thing the last few days and couldn’t get on to read this fabulous finale. What a wonderful ending to a fulfilling journey. I have been hooked from the very first line and although I’m sad to see it go, a more fitting end I couldnt have envisioned. Thank you both for giving me such a wild ride that I am sure I will enjoy many more times to come.

— Kelly    Wednesday 25 November 2009, 21:23    #

I so love this story! It’s certainly one of my favorites. You did such a good job there and I can only second the others. Lots of hot, kinky sex and a compelling storyline, too. You’ve made me happy.

However, since I read this the first time I always hoped for a follow-up. The idea of Rahl in Middle Earth… Oh, I would have loved that!

— Rain    Saturday 17 January 2015, 19:12    #

Don’t know either fandom well, but I enjoy your writing. I just wish Rahl would use the mind reading spell already! He thinks Faramir is a liar so find out for sure whether he should send him back lol

— Teri    Monday 2 August 2021, 14:19    #

Oh my God, this is so good! Almost to the end, and both of our boys are gonna die? Faramir and Rahl both?! Aww… Didn’t think I would be rooting for the villains …

— Teri    Friday 6 August 2021, 18:52    #

Surprised and delighted at the ending! I would have loved to have seen Rahl be taken by Faramir as he spoke about last chapter, but really liked it. Would have enjoyed seeing more of their time here, but it was good. Know you wrote this a long time ago, so you probably don’t even get these comments but nicely done

— Teri    Saturday 7 August 2021, 4:13    #

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