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Cakes and Kings (PG-13) Print

Written by Angelstar3999

20 June 2009 | 2495 words

Title: Cakes and Kings
Author: Angelstar3999
Beta: SisterSue1
Pairing: Legolas/Faramir, Faramir/Haldir, Legolas/Faramir/Haldir and mentioning of others
Rating: Pg 13
Feedback: Use the form below or email
Disclaimer: The Characters in this story do not belong to me, I gain no profit from this story, and I own nothing!
Category: Challenge-Challenge issued to writer, M/M homosexual relationship (Slash), threesome, humor, fluff

Written for the 2009 Midsummer Swap.

Request by Getty: Faramir is learning how to bake a cake (it can be a humor fic, lol) with the person teaching him how (the writers choice from the following) Aragorn, Legolas, Haldir, Boromir, Éowyn) Feel free to let the squirrel out of the bag and go nuts!! Extra kudos if cake batter winds up on the ceiling.

Grunting, Faramir opened one of his eyes as he spotted to blurry figures and as his eyes cleared of the last remains of the sleep he gave the two elves firm glare.

“Suilaid,1 Faramir…” Legolas grinned from ear to ear at the sleepy looking steward who was still struggling with his sleep.

“Gwanno ereb nin!”2 Faramir grumbled as he tried to tune out the twin Elvin laughers.

“Tolo hi…3 Lirimaer4, I Anor hílol”5 Haldir coax the small steward from the bed that he was currently laying snuggled under the blankets much like a kitten fast asleep. It was always very difficult to wake Faramir from his sleep as he clung to it much like a dog to its bone.

“Now, now foxling… it is time to wake… do not make me get a pitcher.” Legolas teased his little love as he watched him shoot strait up at the mention of the pitcher.

Legolas and Haldir shared a laugh as Faramir rubbed his eyes and glared at them. He truly was cute and they thanked the Valar that he was theirs.

“Now what is it that you wanted you annoying elves?” Faramir grumbled as he slipped out of bed and went looking for clothes.

“Now, now is that anyway to talk to your lovers…” Haldir teased as he appreciated the view of Faramir’s backside.

“Yes it is… especially when they threaten you with a pitcher which most likely would be filled with ice cold water. I should stick Eleanor on you for that…” Faramir smirked as mirth danced in his eyes.

“Oh, no not Eleanor… She is like a mother dragon protecting her young and you are dearest is most defiantly her young.” Legolas faked his horror of meeting up with Eleanor, but in all reality he did respect the woman Eleanor and her protectiveness of Faramir.

“You should be scared, but do not worry your little blond heads off I am feeling generous today and will not tell Eleanor about this incident.” Faramir flippantly replied as he smirked at the two.

“Watch it Meleth,6 you do not want to find yourself wet.” Haldir warned his small lover who gave him an innocent smile.

“Well it matters not as I have to go bath and will find myself wet anyway…” Faramir smiled as his lovers looked over him. He really enjoyed teasing them, especially at times like this. “You could join me if you want… I do have difficulty reaching my back..”

After a very long and relaxing shower Faramir left the shower with two very calmed and relaxed elves as they headed for the kitchens while Faramir asked one question after another.

“You are quiet curious today aren’t we meleth… much like a curious little kitten.” Legolas teased Faramir as he kept himself from giving in and telling Faramir what they were going to be doing in the kitchen.

Turning the corner, Haldir lips turn upwards in what people could call a semi smile as he listened to Faramir and Legolas tease each other.

“Well if you want to know what we are going to do today then let us enter the kitchen and you lirimear will find out.” Haldir whispered as he tugged on Faramir’s hand leading him into the kitchen.

Grinning, Faramir nodded as he entered the kitchen where he instantly sought out Eleanor who had been much like a mother to him since his own had died. Faramir’s grinned widen as he found the plump woman patting her flour covered hands on her apron before she approach them.

“Faramir, sweetling when the elves said they were bringing you by I did not expect it to be so soon.” Eleanor fuss over her boy as she made sure that he was in good health.

“I am well Eleanor… do not fret so. The elves and had a wonderful morning meal in my rooms.” Faramir indicated to the two elves that were behind him.

“Look Haldir… we have been demoted to those elves…” Legolas mocked as he pretended to offended by what was said.

“Yes it seems we have… What ever shall we do… I think that we must punish the little one.” Haldir tilted his head to the side as he pretended to think of ways to punish his lover. “A spanking, maybe a lecture… mmmm what do you think Legolas.”

“Oh I have the perfect punishment… do you remember what we use to do to Estel when he was a child.”

“What do you mean use to Legolas. We still do it and Estel is still a child…” Haldir snipped back.

“But do you remember…”

“Why of course I do…”

Turning to Faramir… Legolas and Haldir grinned as they saw the nervous look in their lover’s eyes.

“Do you know what we are going to do…? Faramir…”

“Nothing that is for sure I will not let you hurt my sweetling.” Eleanor puffed up.

“Oh my lady we do not mean to harm him… we only wish to punish him as we punish the king when he was little.” Legolas tried to reassure the head cook all the while feeling love and respect for the woman who would put herself in between them and Faramir just because she cared for the little steward.

“And how did you punish the kind… young ones…” Eleanor arch on of her eyebrows at the two elves causing them to squirm like naughty children caught doing something they shouldn’t of.

“We are going to tickle him… after all that is torture enough…” Haldir grinned as Eleanor step away while Legolas pounced on Faramir and started to tickle him.

“He is most ticklish on his sides.” Eleanor piped up as she enjoyed her little one’s laughter. Faramir had been the closes thing that she would ever get to having a son and she was so proud of her little one and his accomplishment.

“Okay boys that is enough… you need to follow me to where I have set you up… I am the ingredient has been put out for your arrival and I look forward to seeing what you make.” Eleanor directed the boys to her private are which was behind a door and would allow for her boys to have enough privacy as they enjoying their time together.

“Thank you Eleanor…” Faramir replied a she was still a little breathless from the attack.

Smiling, Faramir followed Eleanor into her personal kitchen as he felt truly honored to be allowed to use it.

“You are welcome sweetling now I want you three to have fun and if you need anything you just tell me.”

Nodding his head, Legolas smiled at the woman in front of him. He had been surprised that he had been called a boy in the same tone that she used with Faramir and even though he was older that her by many years he felt that Eleanor would always see Haldir and Legolas as being young. It was just part of the woman’s personality.

“Thank you my lady… I wish you a good day.” Haldir replied smoothly as he watched her leave the room.

“She scares me sometimes…” Legolas stated as he watched Eleanor leave the room, while sharing a look with Haldir.

“You two just figured that out today…” Faramir dismayed as he smirked trying to hide his amusement.

“Watch it… We know where you sleep…” Legolas teased back as he started getting the materials ready to start the cake that Haldir and him had set up for the day.

“Of course you do… we share a room…” Faramir rolled his eyes upwards as he listened to Haldir start the instruction. From what he could tell they were either making some kind of cake, or pie that was popular among the Elvin race and he would bet from the ingredients that it was a cake.

“First we need to add the flour and eggs…” Legolas hummed under his breath as he went behind Faramir and encircled in his arms as he directed Faramir in the tasks of making the cake.

Humming under his breath Faramir started to enjoy himself as he help make the ‘cake’ Legolas started up a silly song that caused him to laugh outright.

“I am the Baker
I bake the cake
Make no mistake, I like to bake
Once I discover
My innate behavior
To mix, to make, to bake!
Up in the morning
To start my work
I cannot help wanting to bake a dessert
Like a warrior
About to meet his fate
I enter my arena, bow my head and start to bake!
Flour, Sugar, Milk,
I send out for more
An unsung hero I need no reward
A short vacation I’d like to take
After I bake a chocolate cake”

“Where did you learn that…” Faramir slightly choked as he laughed at the lyrics that his two elves were singing.

“I learned it from my Ada when I was an elfling… we use to make cakes with Nana…” Legolas hummed. “Not too sure about Haldir over there…”

“I learned it also from my Ada and Nana when growing up…” Haldir stated as he sprinkled the light sweetened powder.

“Really sounds like fun…” Faramir grinned as he stirred the ingredients.

“Did you not do something like that with your parents?” Haldir questioned.

“No… my mother passed away when I was very young and well you have met my father…” Faramir stopped stirring for a while, before starting up again.

“We apologies Faramir… we did not mean to bring back bad memories…” Legolas bit his lip.

“Oh… you did not… what you did with your parents I got to experience with Eleanor.” Faramir smirked at the mock horror looks that crossed across the elves faces.

“And you survived…” Legolas spoke up…

“If I hadn’t I would not be standing here with you… Oh look it is time to pour the batter into the pan…” Faramir absently spoke up as Haldir and Legolas helped him pour the batter into the pan.

As Faramir took a seat in between Legolas and Haldir he listened to the two bicker while he relaxed. It was days like this that he enjoyed the most and he was so thankful for all the blessings. They continued to talk through out the time that the cake was cooking as waited for the final part of making the cake… Being able share the finish product and then being able to eat it.

Stretching, Faramir got up as he checked the cake and after seeing that it was done he pulled it out of the oven and sat it on the cooling pan. As Faramir turned around he winced at the mess that he saw.

“I think we better clean up unless you want to have the cake served at our funeral.” Faramir dryly replied.

Biting his lip he through two rags at Haldir and Legolas, before getting to the mopping the area and cleaning up. By the time that they were done with the cleaning the cake would be cool enough for them place on a pan and decorate it.

Flopping down, Faramir whipped his hands on his pants as he groaned… Ok so maybe it had taken them longer to clean the room, but if his two lovers had not decided to know knock over a bag of flour over which had landed on Haldir. Who then decided to drop a buck of water on top of Legolas’s head and everywhere around him. This had caused Legolas to throw some four at Haldir which somehow landed on him which started a whole new war that would surely displease Eleanor.

He had not been angry, but had laughed outright at how carefree his lovers could act so care free.

“Poor… little ranger are you sore…” Legolas teased as he kissed the edges of Faramir’s mouth, before he claimed the tempting lips in a possessive kiss.

“Mmm… I have had worse…” Faramir smirked as he leaned back when he felt Haldir wraps his arms around.

Breaking the Kiss, Faramir stopped his lovers protest as he made his way to the cake.

“We need to finish the cake… After that we can do whatever you want…” Faramir smiled as that shut Legolas up quickly.

“All that sounds to be a good plan…” Haldir commented as he leaned against the counter.

“Be careful Faramir… the floor is slippery from cleaning up…” Legolas cautioned as he watched Faramir slip the cake out of the pan and then lift it into his hands. That is when it happened as the door slammed open Faramir jumped up as the cake went flying. Turing they all watched in horror as it hit the ceiling and then fell right on top of Elessar’s head. It split in two, but did not break into two pieces as the middle just popped right out.

“I found you…” Elessar looked around dazed as he looked up. “I am sorry did I interrupt something.”

Legolas and Haldir stared at Elessar in horror as they did not seem too able to function enough to come up with an excuse. Taking pity on his lovers Faramir shook his head at the sight in front of him.

“No… Sire… We were just finishing our angel food cake… would you like a piece…” Faramir asked as mirth dance in his eyes.

“No… my steward… I am quite good with the piece that I have and might I thank you for sharing your cooking with me it is quiet delicious.” Elessar’s lips twitched up ward as he let out a hearty laugh at the situation that he found himself in.

Legolas had helped Elessar with the cake and they even tried it, or at least the edges that did not touch Elessar’s head. And although the cake had not even gotten to the table it had been shared with loved ones and friends and that was what really mattered.

1 Suilaid — Greeting : Soo-ih-lied

2 Gwanno ereb nin! — Leave me alone! : GWAH-no air-ehb neen!

3 Tolo hi — Come now : Toe-loe hee!

4 Lirimaer — lovely one

5 I Anor hílol — The sun is shining : Ee Ah-nore hee-lole

6 Meleth — love

NB: Please do not distribute (by any means, including email) or repost this story (including translations) without the author's prior permission. [ more ]

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5 Comment(s)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! There were parts of this story that I found laugh out loud funny and yet very sweet and winsome at the same time. LOVE the visual of cake falling on Aragorn’s head!!!


— Getty    Saturday 20 June 2009, 18:01    #

Hi Getty,

I am g;ad that you enjoyed the story. It was very fun writting it. Especially when I got to write the part of the cake falling on top of Elessar’s head.

I am glad that you liked it and I hope that you have a good day.


— Angelstar3999    Sunday 21 June 2009, 8:18    #

This was great. Never knew that Haldir and Legolas could bake a cake and Elessar could wear it like a crown. Great laughter.

— balrog    Monday 22 June 2009, 5:50    #

Glad that you like it. I was amazed too that Legolas and Haldir could back a cake. I also did enjoy seeing the cake fall on top of Ekessars head. Now it being crown well that is a new one. I didn’t think of that when I was writting it, but thanks lol.

I am happy that enjoyed the story and hope that you have a good day.


— Angelstar3999    Monday 22 June 2009, 7:23    #

so funny,great work :-))))

— blondie    Saturday 14 December 2013, 19:07    #

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